A Walk with A Friend

Tonight I got to spend an hour and a half with a young lady whom I have known for at least 7 years. She was 12 years old when I met her! I love and admire her and her parents, and as we walked together this evening, a lesson made itself abundantly clear.

When you grow up in a good home, you most likely had three balanced meals a day...Therefore, when you played ball in the yard or at school, you had the energy. You probably took vitamins or at least someone was making sure you had your nutrients, so you got up in the morning feeling good (or at least by 2nd period, you were feeling good!) You most likely had a bedtime or a curfew, a time limit maybe on the TV or video games, all so that you would do well on that test in the morning and not become a zombie like some of your friends who didn't have such involved parents. Call it strict; call it rules; call it whatever you want...Good parents take care of these vital parts of who we are as people, in hopes that we will catch on and do it for ourselves when we are on our own. It is no coincidence that people who eat healthy can run miles, and people who don't stay up until 2 a.m. everyday can think clearly and have better job performance. It is no coincidence. It's not luck and maybe not genes. It's discipline...Grace, yes, but discipline.

So in the same way, families who cultivate a relationship with God and surround their sons and daughters with godly instruction, prayer and devotional time, playing Christian music, going to church and having Christian friends over, even time set aside each day as "a quiet time", as well as maybe things like Bible Drill, youth camps, and AWANA are making a framework of faith for the whole family to live by. It is no coincidence that kids in strong Christian families often pray to receive Christ by the time they're 10 and often rededicate their lives to Christ by the time they go to college, because they are surrounded by God and the things of God. And it is no coincidence that when they leave home, they may not stay "close to God." I think maybe here's why...

This friend was telling me that when she was in high school, her whole life was what went on daily in that school and every night was preparation for the next day at that school. Those people, those halls, those clothes, that was life. Whatever her teachers led her to think about throughout the day, those were her thoughts most of her waking hours. Whatever her friends led her heart to care about through the day, those were her desires most of her waking hours. Whether we're at school, work, home, camp, whatever, we are being molded. The course of the river of our heart is being directed!!! All the time!!! So, when we leave the nest and there's no more disciplines as part of our schedule, it only takes a couple months to feel LOST. The disciplines cultivated in a godly home weren't anything in themselves, the rituals are not holy in themselves, but if a person was led to genuine prayer, worship, Bible Study, and personal time with God weekly, they may not even realize what is missing when they're on their own and feeling distant from God.

C.S Lewis said that we daily get up and brainwash ourselves! I know a lot of people probably have a problem with that statement, but I get it and I live it. We renew our minds daily and we get lost really quick if we don't. As my pastor and his wife have said, "We do not follow our hearts. We LEAD our hearts." We lead our hearts to setting still before the Lord, giving, worshipping, meeting with other believers. I don't think young adults are falling away from God because the church necessarily failed them or is too traditional or because their relationships with God were not real enough or deep enough. I think some of them are falling away for the exact same reason that I fall away so regularly!! Because they don't realize that it isn't GOD that is missing all of a sudden, but rather the things that helped them grow in Him that are missing all of a sudden. It's no coincidence that if we eat Twinkies for a week, we feel like crap! And it's no coincidence that if I don't open my Bible, meet with a believer, or come to God in confession and praise for a whole week, that I will feel lost and confused and scared that we have lost Him.

We have been fed a lie from the enemy that we are "not under law" and don't need disciplines, and that God is always with us, so that's enough. We've been fed the lie from the enemy that there isn't more to grasp in the Lord anyway, as long as we have these basics from our childhood. I have personally given into the lie from the enemy that this yucky feeling I have when I have not been spending quality time with the Lord is God being mad at me (for my lack of discipline and consistency), instead of the truth which is that yucky feeling is just this hole I have that my depth with Him used to fill. We have to lead our heart to the Living Water and drink! It doesn't have to look the same everyday, and it is okay to use whatever resources we need. It took me forever to realize that it was okay to use a devotional or Bible Study workbook instead of just the Bible. I have not depended on other believers much on my journey, but I am learning to! I believe if I move one inch in the direction of God--one page of my Bible, one moment of surrender, one verse of praise--He runs a mile to greet me and help me awaken my heart to Him.

So just like Daniel prayed in the morning, noon, and night--whether we're just now taking a step out of our home at 19 or 33 year old stay-at-home-momma like me or a 59 year old Grandma, we are all in the same boat! If we want to know the Lord, we can't expect Him to burn a bush! I am challenged to do something 3x a day, even if it is just for 5 or 10 minutes, to direct my heart, soul, mind, and strength to God. A verse to memorize. A praise CD in the player or on Pandora. A podcast. 3 paragraphs from a book by an author you know is diving into the depths of God. A short prayer walk. The answer of how to get "close to Him" again is never out of reach. He put the desire for that in us in the first place.

A Rough Day So Far!

I realize that many times on my blog I am only sitting down to write when I feel good and life is great and God is teaching me something cool. What's the point of sharing about the rough days? Just sounds like complaining! But...that is not sharing the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Today has been a rough day so far, and it is great to know that I can share it, have my mind renewed with truth from the Word and the Lord, and move on!

It's nothing big, just all these little things, like last night I got in bed early and couldn't sleep for at least 2 and a half hours. I had a horrible headache and just felt miserable. Then when I got up this morning, I got on the scale and after about 10 weeks of exercising 45 minutes 5 days a week and being wise and self-controlled in my eating, found that I still weigh exactly the same weight. I went out for a walk and the scariest, fattest, growliest dog on my road was not in his pen and came tearing across his yard to me while his owner screamed at him. I'm afraid of dogs in the first place, and all I could do was whimper, "God, please protect me. God, please protect me." I really was terrified, and thankfully the dog stopped at the edge of his yard. I was so angry and unfortunately had to spend the rest of my walk processing through what happened and discussing with myself whether or not I should go past that house ever again...and coming up with ugly threats if I ever got to speak with that owner, which I do plan on doing, minus the threats.

Then I come in the house to my sweet girls and their beautiful mess...but the mess really lies in the dust and dirt and dishes that has little to do with them. I've already gotten a lot of that cleaned, and I am so thankful just to have a house, but sometimes the constantness (making up words here) of keeping my house decent wears on me. Especially when I have my darling husband who piles stuff up in corners to collect dust and NEVER get put away...and then when he needs whatever he piled somewhere, he doesn't know where it is...and if I moved it, I'm responsible for where I put it and with the sheer amount of these objects I'm talking about, seriously, how can I remember? Plus, our house has some issues (like leaks in the basement and projects from a year and a half ago that never got finished yet the materials to finish the projects lay in piles inside my house). I am telling you, if a dump truck magically appeared at my house with 2 guys capable of carrying out stuff...

Okay, enough. Back to doing what I need to do, and at this very moment I am turning on some worship music and letting God do His magic in me! His mercies are new every morning! He is my Portion! He is my Joy! Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all His benefits!!!!! We will conquer the dust and the aggravation with praise!

A Theology of Suffering

Some of the best advice I have ever heard for the modern day Church is this: "We had better develop our theology of suffering, because it's not going away." It seems like the Church really does not expect to suffer. We're still shocked by it, disappointed in God over it, and personally offended...yet it was promised over and over in the Bible. Living in safe and sweet America hasn't truly done us any favors spiritually. (But I am not saying I'm not grateful still.) I am so guilty of this. The first time I really suffered, it took counseling for me to unwrap my shock, indignation, and what felt like betrayal from God.

But something has been rolling around in my mind lately and I think I can finally articulate it, not that its anything new or rocket science status...For believers who really are trying to know and follow God personally, I think the thing that makes suffering really sting is that we do not believe it came from God. I know when I am suffering all I can think about is "how to get back in God's will." I want to RUN, conquer, win! I want no obstacles holding me back from a glorious life in Him, but that glorious life in Him isn't necessarily going to be found in the physical realm or in things leveling out, calming down, or getting easier. Instead of promising that picture we have in our minds of what "living in God's will" would look like, we are promised the cross. The cross comes in the form of suffering, and the suffering comes in the form of: dreams that do not come true, disappointments, failure, disease, tragedies...

Accepting the cross and not scorning its shame is a Key. It is sharing in the sufferings of Christ which He said we will have opportunity to do, and He is inviting us to not only share in those sufferings, He is inviting us to follow His example in the way He bore up under those sufferings. He knew He was in the perfect middle of the will of His Father; at different times, he felt the humility, the joy, and the abandonment, but He always could hold on to knowing He was in His Father's will. Whether you're suffering because you are sick on the mission field or suffering because you can't get a good job, when you live trusting in the Lord with all your heart, your suffering gets to accomplish a great work in you! You're in God's will! All those verses about suffering producing perseverance, character, and faith apply to you! I believe God's will is all about who you are right where you are. If you are connected to Him right here and now, there's no where else you're supposed to be. If jobs or locations or whatever need to change, you can bet those details will happen without a whole lot of hoopla. So...

Tonight, Selah (my 6 yr old) was really tired, and she said, "Life is so hard! I wish it was worth it. I wish we could just visit Heaven sometimes!" Now, let me backtrack a little. She said this because honestly, we have exposed her to a lot of suffering. She is my daughter, so it's inevitable. If she's going to be around me much, she is going to know about the persecuted church, what is going on in these countries, the drought/war/famine in Somalia, Kenya, and Ethiopia...but also, because she experienced adopting a little sis from Ethiopia, went through the same agony/learning experience we did, has a grandmother who suffers greatly in and out of the hospital, and we spend a good deal of time with people at the nursing home since her great grandfather lives there. She is exposed. Of course, she also thinks the fact that her finger was pricked at the doctor today is a national emergency, and we are very careful what images/language we allow her to see and hear regarding these things, but my point is this: Suffering is not going away. We can only protect ourselves and our kids so much, and we should only protect ourselves and our kids so much.

I preached a little sermon to Selah in Kroger when she said she wishes this life was worth it. She wanted to know why we even had to be here on earth if we were just here to fellowship with God and point others to His love. She said, "Why couldn't God just keep us all in Heaven and we wouldn't have to go through all this?" Good questions, sweet Selah. I don't know it all. But I am happy that I have truth to tell her. Truth about what she can see--I'm not sugarcoating the realities of suffering--and truth about what she cannot yet see--that our God is in control, that we are called to sacrificially show compassion around the world, and that King Jesus will come back someday. And when He does, we will see His very appropriate vengeance released that He has held back all this time. Read Isaiah! Read Revelation! We must develop and teach a theology of suffering from God's Word, not an American version of it that says it is God's job to keep us housed and fed and healthy. It doesn't matter what we like or what we wish were true.

The Beloved is being prepared for her Bridegroom, and this will come through the refining fire of suffering...in all shapes and sizes. We've got to see it for what it is and prepare our children for their refining fire, too. We kind of have to...grow up and stop skirting around it, closing our eyes and hoping it won't be there when we open them. Come Lord Jesus, and help us through Your Spirit until You do!

Excited

Before I go to bed tonight, I just have to type out some of my excitement. First of all, I just have to say GLORY to God because He has chosen to let me feel great this summer. I would love to get to continue this way. We will see what He has in mind. I hope I can handle it (well, I know I can't, so I will say, I will be relying on Him to make me handle it) if everything has to come to a screeching halt. Anyway, I'm rambling...Here's what I'm excited about!

I am excited about all this new school year brings. I love our homeschool curriculum (My Father's World, but we are also throwing in several other subjects and resources). I love that Selah is doing gymnastics. It was so much fun to watch her go around the gym and get to try out every single one of those cool things (cool to her; they just make my hands start sweating even looking at them). I love that my mom comes on Tuesdays, giving me a day to teach lessons again and prepare for things coming up, such as maybe leading songs at church one weekend or a concert. I'm excited about making a CD and getting to share these songs in concerts maybe once a month. I'm excited that by God's grace, and I do not say that lightly because He knows it's Him, I am out on my road running 5 mornings a week. And lastly, I am excited that I am going to be co-teaching Spanish and Missions 2 mornings a month to homeschoolers in FAITH's Enrichment program!

If that made your head spin, it did mine as well. We'll see if I make it to Christmas. Everything in my life right now feels very focused and led by the Lord (i hope!). I'm getting to teach and do many things that I have a passion for, but had completely given up and surrendered to God. I'm excited that when people said, "He'll bring that back in another season", they were right! I had to fully let go of these actually very normal things during those years of sickness. That sounds so pitiful, but it's not. God is teaching me so much about how He cherishes the weak, the unable, the despised...how He loves the humility and wisdom these things can accomplish in our lives. I understand a little bit now that things that embarrass or make us misunderstood are a gift from God.

Letting go of everything that I thought defined me, and for about 2 years only finding my identity in Christ because I had nothing else, (I didn't even have a hobby!) has made me alive. I died to what I wanted out of myself. I died to my somewhat unBiblical expectations of God. I died to what others thought of me. I died to the life I thought He wanted me to have, in order to finally and slowly embrace the life I do have. Somehow I am living in that grave still, because it is right where I need to stay...but because of the grave, resurrection becomes a possibility. Not resurrection of my goals or identities or activities or health, that doesn't matter in the least. That's just external stuff. Resurrection on the inside. Just like Jesus had to go to the grave before He was resurrected, we do, too. He gives us crosses-- to kill us-- in the same way that He gave us the law to show us we were incapable of keeping it! So when we finally give up and die and let go of our understanding of how to love and serve Him, then the Spirit finally has control and freedom and power and we stand literally amazed. That doesn't mean life becomes bigger and better, or ministry becomes bigger and better. It means there is no more striving to get somewhere else. There is rest and peace in the midst of daily obedience.

I have to say, if this whole thing I'm talking about was a download on my computer, I would say I have downloaded less than 1 %, but nonetheless...I am excited.