Today I just have a moment, but wanted to write a quick word. I have found myself thinking so many times about our Song of Solomon Bible Study that has been over for a month, and one of the things that has stood out to me is finally understanding just a smidge of SOS 8:6--

"Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame."

Here's the smidge that is echoing in my mind, and giving such focus and peace every time I lack it (which is often!...

In the first line, our heart represents our affections, both affections we are craving and affections we are offering. Our heart represents what matters to us deep down, who we are in the secret. Everything in our life overflows out of this heart, and this is the heart God is speaking of when He says, "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart..." But I veer off. I forget. I don't choose to get filled by Him sometimes, and my life begins to wither, like a branch severed from the vine. It shows up in my energy, my attitude, everything, because it is a literal connection--my Life is in Christ, and while He is always here with me, I can easily ignore that and therefore not receive those sweet benefits of connection with Him daily.

Also, in that first line, there's this: "Place me like a seal over your heart." A seal means the authority, the ownership, the protection. He is a seal, a piece of armor and hope, set upon my heart! He wants to protect my heart, keeping it from giving its focus and affections and desires to things other than Himself (like concerns about what I can or can't do, or just busyness!) This is my prayer: "Lord, place Yourself today as a seal over my heart! Keep my heart beating, fully ALIVE because of my connection with You."

So then in the second line, our arm represents our work, our strength, how we use our times, talents, resources, and energy. Our arm is perhaps what others see us do, our work among men. The heart and then the arm is like the first commandment, with the second coming after yet being equal! We love Him...and therefore we also love our neighbor. So our arm is important, too, and just as we need "His seal" upon our heart, oh how we need His seal upon our arm!!!

His love and jealousy for us is so strong that it can be compared to death. What this says to me is that it's pretty strong, pretty final; it's something none of us can change or do anything about when it happens...It's out of our hands. He wants us that much, and like any jealous lover, He's happy to put His seal on us if we'll let Him! His love burns like a mighty flame that never goes out.

It is easy to find myself being a flickering flame for Him, just from being tired or busy or whatever...but when I remember that I don't have to do anything but come warm myself by that fire, and just be loved, WOW! That stirs something in me. If I am "found burning", it will be because He was relentless in His fiery love for me first.

Cinderella

I am much too practical to be a fairy tale (not to mention Disney princess) kinda girl...but oh my goodness...I was swept away last night. Let me tell you about it.

First of all, on Tuesday I got an email from Show Hope saying that grant recipients (which is us, because 3 years ago we received a grant for our adoption) were welcome to come (for free) to Steven Curtis Chapman's Spring Celebration, which was a production of Cinderella with the Nashville Symphony. It was actually odd that we could go at all because Jack has worked nights now for a year, BUT Wednesday was to be his last 2nd shift day and the concert was on Thursday! Hallelujah! So we reserved the tickets, bought tiaras for my princesses' little heads, and arrived at the Symphony in downtown Nashville last night at 6.

After the concert, all the grant recipients that were present went up on stage with SCC. It was so moving to see these families and know that each one of them could tell incredible stories of long and tedious journeys...journeys that proved in their hearts the faithfulness and love of God. A little boy named Yo Yo from China sang a beautiful and clear as a bell duet with SCC, and much to my surprise, I know his mother, Anna, and got to meet up with her for the first time in forever! I had met her several summers when I did mission work with my youth group and we had stayed in touch for a little while...but that was a long, long time ago!

So, some of the things I have to write about...my cup is overflowing...

1-The story of Cinderella itself is just about the only "princess" story I like, because it has always had a good message, but some of the dialogue from the play last night really stood out to me. It is actually a very prophetic allegory to Jesus and His Bride! We don't really belong here, we were created for more and better than this world, things are not fair--just like in Cinderella's house--and our Prince is looking for us. He actually says to Cinderella at the Ball, "I have all the servants I need, I really just want someone to talk to." That is Jesus speaking to His Bride! He wants someone to confide in, someone to listen to His heart and share in all that is in it. I felt last night that God was speaking directly to me. He's sweeping us away from all this mess, in the spiritual realm right now, if we'll turn our hearts to Him, and when the time comes, on the Wedding Day, YES! The unseen will become seen and we will be literally swept off our feet. I'm living for that. That is where my hope lies.

2-Cinderella represents the oppressed and forgotten and abused all over the world. As the Prince and Jesus say, "Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect." I *have* always been treated with kindness and respect, and I am indignant when someone is not, but still it was a good reminder to me. Also, it gave me even more desire to advocate for children, adopt, sponsor, and share what ministries like Show Hope, IJM, World Vision, and Compassion are doing for children worldwide. We're gonna hope to the very end.

3-Last night, I was struggling a little bit in my heart. Ever since I saw Steven Curtis Chapman's concert about 10 years ago, when he told the story of Jim Elliot/Nate Saint/Mincaye, I have had this silly little dream. And even more so now that they started Show Hope and we have that passion in common, I have wanted to tour with him or have him hear a few of my songs and maybe use them. How embarrassing to even say it out loud, as if I'm even in that league of musician. I know that I am not, obviously! I don't want to be a famous musician, I don't want to have a tour or travel with anyone else; what I dream of is to be able to have a platform to share my songs about social justice, hope, and adoption with people. SO...going last night to this big thing was sort of a reminder of what I'm not. Jack reminded me that it isn't that I want to be "big time", it's just that God has given me a message and like anyone with a prophet's heart I'm jealous for a place to share it. Either way though, I really had to dig my way back to the shining truth: I live to gaze upon the face of Jesus. I do not live to have people listen to me or like my music. I turn my focus to the Lord, and while I am doing that I become complete and filled up with Him and don't have room for caring about my influence or accolades. Pride doesn't necessarily mean you think you're something. It may mean you wish you were something. The sentence that brings me back, that digs my way back to truth is Heidi Baker's quote: "I'm just a little laid down lover in the dirt." That brings it home for me. That's all I *want to* want to be.

4- And speaking of pride and humility, I was so touched by these beautiful families, several who had brought home special needs children. I thought, "These are the true heroes." Priorities and values and what's important in my mind must shift. It has, but it needs to even more. God sets the stars in the sky to shine...and He sets us exactly where we are to do the same. Steven and Mary Beth Chapman are making a huge difference in the world. I don't even know how they handle being such world changers, knowing their wise decisions, faithful life, and stewarding everything from talent to grief so well, has been such a blessing to the Kingdom. They are shining like stars in the exact location God set them. Other heroes of the faith are unknown moms and dads who take in foster kids or adopt from orphanages, who really don't have an easy life at all because of the decisions they have made for the Kingdom. People don't understand why they do it, why they choose the hard way. No glamour, no acknowledgement. They really are the feet of the Body--on the ground, doing the hard work, unnoticed, because who notices feet and yet feet keep us standing. They are shining like stars in the exact location God set them.

It's a lot for me to chew on. I want to adopt again, I want to do a lot of things, but I need to understand my place in the Body and my location to shine. And I know that knowing Him will be the key...We seek Him first and all things fall in place.

Lyrics and Chords

Hey Friends!

Just in case someone comes to this site looking for lyrics/chords to my new CD, here's the 411. First of all, I haven't had time yet to type them up and post them. I'm sorry! But when I do have time to type and post them, they will be at www.lyricsandchordsbylyndsay.blogspot.com

Currently, there are lyrics and chords on that site, but none from the new CD. Feel free to ask for specific songs to be put up first by going to my Facebook music page and requesting. Thanks!

Lyndsay

A Little Fenelon

I have been meaning to share some quotes from books I've been reading lately. It's a shame for me to not blog simply because I have nothing original to say. When have I ever had anything original to say anyway? This book, 100 Days in the Secret Place, has been by my side along with my Bible and a couple other books for about five years now. It is incredible. It keeps speaking to me of a deeper walk with the Lord, a stiller mind, and a more crucified self-love. This is so good!

This is from Fenelon, who was a French Archbishop in the Catholic Church and writer in 1715, which doesn't mean anything in particular to me except that his faith was very real and Biblical, and it's exciting to see how centuries don't change a single thing about faith and relationship with God...

"Make a habit of bringing your attention back to God on a regular basis. You will then be able to quiet all your inner commotion as soon as it starts to be churned up. Cut yourself off from every pleasure that does not come from God. Seek God within, and you will undoubtedly find Him with peace and joy. Be more occupied with God than anything else. Do everything with the awareness that you are acting before God and for His sake. At the sight of God's majesty, calmness and well-being should fill your spirit. A word from the Lord stilled the raging sea and a glance from Him to you, and from you to Him, will do the same for you."

Each sentence of this paragraph stabs me, in a good way. Today especially I am thinking of "Do everything with the awareness that you are acting before God and for His sake." Disciplining the kids, disciplining myself, my thoughts, words, actions, reactions...He is my audience, He is the recipient, am I doing these things unto Him and in a way that would glorify Him? Baby steps. No condemnation. But I see what a powerful and good question that is. It is a focus and direction I have asked for. I'm so indebted to Grace in this journey to know Him and align my life with His way!

Seasons...

So, what a crazy crazy winter we have had, and I'm thrilled that spring is coming early! Seasons are changing in more ways than one. We've worked a lot on our house, and when spring comes, there are more projects to do outside. Pictures to come! Also, over the winter the CD was finished, and if you haven't seen the Facebook invite, please consider this your personal invitation to come to the CD Release Party on March 25th. It's at the Nexus Building (where the Bridge Community meets) on 6746 S. Wilson Rd., Etown, from 2-4 p.m. I will be doing some songs from the CD and sharing some history behind them...plus we'll just be eating and having fun. I'm planning to have some coloring tables and stuff for the kids, so everyone is very welcome. The songs should be available online in various places like iTunes in the next month as well, or you could order a "real" copy from www.cdbaby.com.

So I'm the worst blogger ever because it has been a long time since I've really written. My journal feels neglected, too. I think I'm coming into a new season of my life, and I'm coming into it excited but also...I'm not nervous, not tentative, and not skeptical...I'm just coming into it cautiously. In the past I have been a "doer". A runner, a worker, a crazy goal oriented girl for Jesus. I was missing His sweet face while I tried to get stuff done for Him, not realizing that "serving" Him and others was not equivalent to knowing Him, really. He rescued me from that misunderstanding that was sucking the life out of me, but that rescue took a long transformation period. The main factor in this period of time--that was really wonderful once I surrendered--was that I wasn't allowed to "do" anything that I thought of as being something purposeful or noble for God, especially anything that someone else would give me recognition for. How awesome! I got to shake all kinds of junk off of me through this period--the fear of man, the praise of man, worrying about being judged, judging others, activities and "good" things that God never specifically told me to involve myself in--gone.

So, that long period of fasting, you could say, from these things made some stuff in me suffer a nice long slow death. Those things that used to make up who I thought I was were starved to death! My surrender sounded like this: "God, it's your life anyway. It's not mine. I was just trying to live it for you, but if you'd rather me just stay home or just be in my bed sick, or just raise these kids and not do anything else, that's YOUR BUSINESS! I will do that! Cool! I'm off the hook for all that other stuff because You aren't providing the strength, resources, ability, time, etc, to do any of it, plus You're forbidding me to do it anyway!"

Okay, why am I going into all this detail?

Because NOW, and only now, after going through this period of God killing me and then raising me back up a new creature, I have a good story to tell. Now I have a bolder voice and something to say about knowing Him and making knowing Him our everything...no exceptions, nothing tying for first place. I have learned this because I have now lived this: When we make knowing Him our only goal and priority, in our heart of hearts forsaking all other reasons to live, an internal miracle happens. The only things that can hurt in us are the things that are still alive! If they are crucified--all we wanted out of life, even all we hoped to do for His glory--then when things don't go "well", we don't suffer. Our only suffering is when we are losing sight of His face. Priorities get in order, confusion and what others think disappears, and we begin to really embrace this Colossians 3 "life hidden in Christ." Intimacy with Him happens and puts every worldly thing in its proper place. I want to live this and I want to share it! It's fine with me if I do not have opportunities but I sense them coming. And I can get freaked out about it, or I can just relax and know that God has prepared me, that the very point of my testimony is what I have to rely on RIGHT NOW as He gives opportunities to share!

Also, and this is the part I'm cautious about, just as God clearly and tenderly led me AWAY from church services (never the Body, just the building) now He is clearly and tenderly leading me back. It took so long to unwind myself from the old thoughts and feelings I had wrapped around my position/standing/reputation/talents/gifts/service in the church. I never want to go back to that kind of stuff even being on my radar! Martha Kilpatrick says she wants to be unaware and uninterested in regard to God using her or not. Exactly. Because I don't have TIME and ATTENTION to put on myself and what difference I may or may not be making. I only have time and attention and eyes for Jesus! And that's what I know He has raised me up for, to live to know Him: in my home and out of my home, on a stage or sitting in the nursery with other moms, cleaning the toilet or speaking at a conference. It's all the same. It's all the same! And I'm terrified that I will forget that. I know I am a nobody. I know that I have no reason to be afraid that some kind of public attention will go to my head. It's embarrassing to even share that I have this fear, but that is a practice God told me to put into place--look for opportunities to share something truthful about myself with others that is embarrassing. That's an opportunity to go low, and I need those! Pride has to be dismantled even in people who don't think they're all that great...because there's that secret place in most of us that would like to be great. And there is only One who is Great.

Whew. So I go forever without a blog, then I come back with that. But this is the season I'm walking into it, and I guess that's what a blog is for! Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate your prayers!

Been A While

Wonder how many blogs I have titled that...

So, wow. I have had a crazy month, and I don't do crazy. It just doesn't work for me. But I have to say the Lord has held me up! In the past, crazy months leave me really messed up physically, spiritually, emotionally. It definitely was different this time, praise the Lord! I feel great and the things I was supposed to focus on even during the craziness remained in view. That feels good. Miraculous...a product of the Living Word...evidence of the Holy Spirit...good.

It was crazy because for two weeks we worked on finishing up the recording. FUN! But early in the morning (for me)...running kids to sitters...trying to come home and homeschool...Jack was starting a new job and a new schedule...Then after those two weeks, our "handyman" was ready to do the list of jobs at our house (basically a complete remodel of the basement) and we had workmen arriving at 8:30 every morning for a good week or so. I had deadlines for my part in the work, like "paint this before we can do this" type stuff. So I painted 5 days straight in my "free time." Free time. HA!

But when I came downstairs today, which is still chaos and there's a good week of work still to be done, I remembered what songs I was worshipping and communing with the Lord with in each corner and wall I painted. One day in particular that I painted a full eight hours (I guess I am slow because my house is not that big!), the Lord said, "Since you're here to worship Me, it doesn't really matter what your hands are doing...you're where you're supposed to be." That helped me to stop the rush and just be where I was. That little lesson will be useful on other discontent days for sure.

It's laughable that I can sum this month up into such a small post. There are some really neat things I want to blog about later, but this is the gist. Ultimately, I'm thrilled that these tasks are coming to an end (basement...there's light at the end...) or have come to an end (the CD is in production and whoever wants one will get to purchase on March 25th)! But it is in those crazy times that (well, perhaps directly afterwards) I re-evaluate priorities, schedules, relationships, etc. and make sure that learning to love, being still and not missing chunks of people's lives, caring about others needs, being a forerunner and prayer warrior and worshipper, knowing and adoring the Love of my Life, are the bulk of my existence!

I am an overachiever. There are days that cartoons, balancing the checkbook, and eating pizza are the bulk of my existence! But I want a life that is thrown away on the things that matter to God no matter how wasteful it may seem to the world. When things are crazy, yes, things get done. That's good... when the Lord says "Do." While I was "doing", I was getting a chance to practice His presence and we were running together not separately, but it still felt like it was on a bit of a surface level and I can't take that for too long personally. This girl needs some serious quiet space to process and abide and remember and get my little head straight. :)

What I Learned From Movies Growing Up

So, let's process this together, shall we?

I have felt in my spirit this desire to REVOLT against the system of this world, and obviously there are people like me in every generation...many of you reading this are those very people. We want to raise our children differently, we want to stop the "slow fade" that happens when we let sin creep in little by little so slowly that it goes undetected, we want to hold our decisions up to the standard of the Word at the risk of looking old fashioned and "under the law"...right?

Well, I brought up a lot of different ideas and issues there, but I want to talk about what we teach our kids and invite into their (and our) minds with the stuff placed in front of their eyes and ears, both good and bad and in-between. What goes in our eyes and ears makes it into our thought life. What makes it into our thought life is often repeated, making certain thoughts habitual, and those thoughts of course affect how we feel and what we even believe about life, ourselves, others, God, what we deserve and expect, everything. We don't even realize it usually, but we were forced to realize it when our daughter Selah was just about 2 years old.

We had all the Disney princess movies and watched all kinds of movies as long as they didn't have cussing, violence, or blatant sensuality, I thought they were no big deal. I watched them growing up, and I was fine, right? Not really. Let me tell you what most of the movies and after-school-teenager- type TV shows did for me... and what they started to do for my daughter who as luck would have it is twice as sensitive as even I am. (And I am super sensitive.)

I learned from these shows and movies which were totally G rated that it was okay to disobey my father because he was just being overprotective. I learned it was okay to go behind his back and date guys he was wise enough to say no to for me when I didn't have the maturity to say no to them for myself. It won't take you long to think about which Disney movies in particular promote this!! And of course those movies, in the end, confirm that the daughter was right to rebel and run off to chase the man of her dreams instead of living under the protection and authority of her dad.

I learned that I needed to be uber-beautiful and desirable with tiny feet, fabulous hair, and a 24 inch waist. I learned that this was very important...to be prettier than average, and if you weren't, you weren't special. People would still love you and find good things to praise you for, but there was something extra special about being extra beautiful. There were just a few who got this honor.

I learned that it was okay to watch scary things, even watching people or characters die. I learned it was okay to feel scared and go to bed thinking about it, giving a foothold, almost literally, for the enemy to climb in and do what he does to so many kids through nightmares...mainly because even though the images aren't as violent as we adults know violence can be, it is stuff little minds just cannot process and so their brain will process all night long if need be.

I want to be honest in saying that the most damage that was done were these two things: One, I learned that the most valuable relationship for a girl to have would be with the boy who chose and loved her. How many of these princesses even have friends who are girls??? There is no focus on the development of any other relationships really. How warped is that--its like we are telling our daughters through habitually watching movies with romantic themes that they have one goal in life and that is to get a man to choose her and love her. (And once he does, even though they hardly know each other, all her problems are resolved because they live happily ever after.) This is dangerous for SO many reasons! First of all, that's not why we were created! Second, what if it's not even God's plan for that daughter to have a husband? She has been set up for misery from day one. Third...that's coming up next.

The second damaging thing was: I learned from watching these movies and shows how to be utterly incapable of just being simply buddies with a male. How many of these princesses have a boy character in the movie who is truly just a friend with no innuendos and no foreshadowing to what they may be??? Other than Tinkerbell, I honestly cannot think of one. Every guy from 12 years old up was a potential something to me. That's a hard habit to break when that's how you've viewed guys up until marriage...And of course we can't leave our young men out here. I can't even begin to imagine what we're teaching our sons about how to view and choose a woman of true beauty, and how to view every female they meet up until marriage. Whew.

So...it feels good to process all of that, because I want to be mindful and aware of how the enemy sneaks in and steals purity. He knows we hate blatant sexual stuff, violence, nasty language--he knows we have the sense to not let our kids watch that. But what about the message that is coming from our and their "favorites"?

I have a couple of suggestions...One, we don't just cut off internet and netflix from our houses necessarily (unless God is telling you to!) We sit down as a family and set our standards. Two, we make checks and balances to make sure everyone is kept accountable and we stick to our standards. I know on netflix there's no way to erase the "Recently Watched" so there is accountability there. We can have passwords on our computers or keep the computer in the living room where there are more people. Three, we definitely do not let the kids watch TV or even a video completely alone (unless it's a tried and true favorite that we have screened for all these issues). Maybe as adults we should also be careful about what we watch alone!! I think I have gotten sloppy in what I allow into my mind. I have my standards I won't cross but there's a very good chance they are not strict enough. With the kids for sure we need to be there with at least one ear and one eye on the media so we can pause it and talk about stuff to needs to be discussed (or fast forward or turn it off completely!) Maybe they will surprise us and say, "Mom or Dad, I actually don't think I should be watching this based on those standards we set the other day!" I think this is where we go past the old thing of sheltering them but never explaining the protection and the reason behind it. We want to save them from images, thoughts, habits, fear, sin, wrong expectations of relationships and life and themselves because everything they take in is making our/their worldview and let's face it, for many of us either now or in the past, haven't seen how seriously invaded our/their minds are. Four, I really think that watching a show or movie once isn't the end of the world (unless its just terrible). Its more of the "my kids watch this on repeat" or "this is her favorite movie, I let her watch it every day"...oh my gosh. I'm not sure there is a single movie on the planet, except for maybe Veggie Tales, that I would let my kids watch that often now that I know what I now and am clued in to how we "become what we consume". And if we don't become it, we wish we could.

So, maybe I'll sleep better tonight having processed through this. I have so much to learn but I am so glad God is making me more aware. Good night!

Wrapping Up 2011

I'm a wrapper-upper kinda girl.

2011 is going to get a nice moment on my blog and then it's history. Not that it was bad, it's just...history.

In my little world, here's what 2011 was like, just to catch some of you up: Jack changed jobs mid-Spring, and it was not at all a step up. But sometimes God uses real life to show us what it means to go low, to show us what really matters, to find our sufficiency and worth in HIM ALONE! I began 2011 feeling awful, even after almost a year of therapy for adrenal fatigue/sleep disorder stuff, but in May, God began to raise me up! In June, I started running every morning. In July, I was able to run 3 miles at a time! I started sleeping 10 to 11 hours a night instead of 12-13. (That was a nice difference to me and my life!) I felt like myself again, and that self had been so far removed for so long, that "grateful" just isn't a big enough word to describe how I feel. With summer going away, I haven't felt awesome, but I have been, still, much much better than years before. I have a list of things I do to feel well. Would love to share with anyone in the same boat!! Also, God has put several relationships in my life that I get to invest in and be blessed by! I love you, Wednesday night college age girls!! We are also a part of Open House, a church plant in E-town, and we love our small family there.

Selah Jordan finished K in May and started homeschool 1st grade in June, and we have absolutely loved the freedom and meaningful time together that the homeschool life brings. There is a constant rearranging of schedules and routines, due to all kinds of things, but we do pray and try to keep first things first. Selah, as well as our whole family, has really grown in the Lord this year! She prayed to receive Christ as her personal Lord and Savior and was baptized Nov. 6th. She is investing her time in a quiet time every day and I have seen her minister this year in special ways to many people. We are all involved in FAITH homeschool co-op and we LOVE it. She's actually moving on to 2nd grade now, and some of her curriculum is 3rd grade, which is one of the great things about homeschool (she can work on her level) but for all purposes outside of school work she will still be a 1st grader!! No skipping grades. She especially loves Science and Bible. She likes art but tends to rush through; and she likes piano, but getting her to remember to practice on her own is more work for me than her, so we have to figure out a system there. (Now I know how parents of my students feel!) Selah is a total and absolute joy, friend, and jewel.

Yemi Abigail has changed and grown and come alive this year!! She is so funny, smart, sweet, and beautiful. She is also mischievous and sneaky and goofy. She loves to make people laugh and lately the answer to any question posed to her is: "Cuckoo head." She loves to play with her toys, especially puzzles, and even though she gets in trouble for it almost every day, she cannot resist sneaking into Selah's room and ever so quietly playing with her barbies. She is addicted to movies, especially CareBears, Dora, and Elmo, even though she only gets to watch about an hour a day if that. She just now started caring about school type stuff (she's 3) and is learning to write her name and asking to do homeschool. What amazes me about Yemi is that she is fully a child and enjoys it! Selah wanted to grow up, didn't appreciate the simplicity of those years...Yemi is the opposite. She is in no hurry, and it's wonderful! Because she's not aiming to get approval through knowing things or being smart or whatever, you don't realize what she knows until it just comes out one day...like when she counts something in Spanish or looks over in a field and says, "There is one white horse, 2 brown ones, and 1 black." The "cuckoo head" thing really disguises a great mind in there!! But I say let her hide it and have fun as long as she can!

And in less serious and frivolous issues...in 2011...my Top Ten:

1)Favorite New (to me) Artists: Matt Maher, Phil Wickham, Addison Road

2)Favorite Purchases (I know this is corny but I love these things!): World Map shower curtain and a perfectly sized zipper cooler that holds our water bottles and snacks so we don't have to eat out

3)Favorite Movie: Limitless and The Muppets (-awesome comeback, muppets!)

4)Favorite Online Find: Pandora, what an awesome concept! I enjoy it but also it has helped spread my songs, and I am really humbled and thankful for that. Honestly my music was just sitting there for a couple of years while I was ill and taking care of my family, etc. Now, people are hearing some songs and I am constantly shocked by the response. (It's small, but it's certainly more than the nothing going on before. I want to clarify that I don't feel like I deserve for people to find and like my music, I am simply surprised and grateful that it is happening!!!!)

5) Favorite God Thing: Sister Bridge. Getting to partner with 3 ministries, share them (and their handmade, beautiful items) with my friends and family, and send gobs of money back to women in need...yeah, that was my favorite God Thing!!!!! Looking forward to Lord willing doing it again next fall. I can't thank the women in my life enough for their care and investment in the women God loves around the world!!!

6) Favorite Books: Abba's Child by Brennan Manning; Brokenness by Lon Solomon; Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman; and then there are the books I constantly read year to year--Adoration by Martha Kilpatrick, 100 Days in the Secret Place compiled by Gene Edwards, and some other works by Fenelon and Guyon. These books I have mentioned have shaped my theology, and I cannot describe the peace and purpose I feel in my life and walk with God because of the questions answered and principles learned in these pages. Obviously, I highly recommend!

7) Favorite Exercise and Health Stuff: I'm always talking about Tired of Being Tired by Jesse Lynn Hanley; it's phenomenal and was a huge part of God healing me. Also, I love Jackie Warner's Power Circuit Training workout video; it easily was my top pick of the year because it has 15 minute weight lifting sessions that make a difference!

8) Favorite Netflix Find: Drop Dead Diva and Samantha Who? Very fun shows!! Watched them all at least twice.

9) Favorite New Song I've Written: I sang this at Behold the Lamb this year so a few of you have heard it, but it's called This Year. It's about God's faithfulness and that whatever comes in 2012, I want to go there with Him. I want Him to do whatever He has to do to make me ready for His return.

10) Favorite Simple New Concept about God: He wants us to fully receive and revel in His Love. When we become Christians, we are saying, "Lord, nothing matters more to me than receiving this love that I don't deserve." But then maybe we forget and think we're supposed to move past it, putting the focus on ourselves and what we can churn out for Him?? Nothing matters until we receive and revel in His Love, not ministry, not even obedience. We have to love HIS LOVE more than we love or want anything else (from Him, from life in general), and when we do that, life is a win-win situation. When His Love is all we want, everything else becomes even less than secondary...and since you cannot lose His Love, you always have your primary need met! Win-win!!! The loss we feel is when we love our lives and our opinions about what our lives should look like MORE THAN we love Him and His Love. We idolize our own lives and we say it's because we want to live for Him and we say, "how can I live my life for Him with this problem in it?"...at least I say that. When this is happening, we simply have not tasted the goodness, the richness, the completeness, of His Love. We see trials as a hinderance instead of an opportunity to come to Him and prize His Love above all answers and help and solutions.

In 2012, let us drink deeply of His Love!

Christmases Past

Christmas 2010

Yemi's First Christmas with us, 2009; She was 17 months old.

Sisters Finally Together! Christmas 2009

(Christmas 2008; Selah was 3. She seemed so much older!)

Christmas 2008. Yemi was 5 months old, and we had our picture of her as our Christmas gift!

CUTIE PATOOTIE CHRISTMAS 2008

Life and Death

There have been a lot of things lately that have taught me and challenged my beliefs in the area of suffering and especially in the area of death. The book by Mary Beth Chapman, music I had written coming back up in my life, a book about Brokenness, even a seemingly random newsletter from a missionary, all are driving home the point that the line we cross from earth to heaven when we die is so very thin. That space between is just...like a door of mist instead of this confusing and thick barrier I had imagined. I guess I'm just trying to say that Heaven feels closer than ever, and I feel like God wants me to understand just how transient, how able to move and pass through, we frail humans are. I feel like He wants me to grasp that it's okay, that it's normal, that it's not as much to grieve about as I think. We were destined for that all of a sudden passage, and in my mind I can absorb that with some sense of understanding and thankfulness, but the hard part is that we are only transient in one direction. We cannot so easily pass back.

That probably sounds ridiculous. But I can see why saying we are a vapor, a mist, makes complete sense. We are as real as water (we even are so much water!) but this is just our body for a while...not our Life. Our expectation of health and longevity only can be agreement with the Lord's expectation for so long...at some point our belief about all this, all we expected, even for our kids sometimes, breaks down. Again, I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me, but I think this is part of learning humility to accept and even accept joyfully that we are frail and destined to make that passage. I do imagine a river and I do see friends and family passing through it to the other side, and I do see a lot of joy. And I see that those of us remaining here on this side are not very far from them at all. Just a mist separating us.

I guess I really want to say that when the Lord takes me, I know that there will be some people who are sad but I pray that however I go, that everyone knows I was created to go and I'm not far at all. This time is just a prelude to our lives. We were really never meant to get so attached. Perhaps living in surrender (which should be our goal) is really God just preparing us for a life and theology not built by what we want all this to be about, but what it is all about.

So, one more thing to add to the list of God revealing frailty and the reality of us passing so easily from earth to heaven: Selah and I went to a funeral today for a family who is grieving the death of their tiny baby. She was 26 weeks in the womb. I only knew a couple of people there, but I just felt, "This is the family of God. These people are grieving with hope." It was very worshipful, giving God glory, thanking Him for everything humbly...and at the same time, there were lots of tears. What I saw was surrender, not pretending things were great, but trusting the Lord. I am convinced that is beautiful and priceless to Him. A girl sang a song about Heaven and how we'll just fall down and thank Jesus for the cross. YES! That's what this is all about. We can't only think about that at funerals. I am sensitive to Selah seeing too much sadness and death, but today it was fitting for her to go with me. Her friend was the older sister of the baby who had went to be with Jesus, and Selah and this little girl held hands and even held each other throughout the service. I feel like I watched the body of Christ in action, with Selah, the singer, the pastor, friends and family ministering...I was such a bystander and learner.

I am not always proud of the family of God or the body of Christ around me. I realize how that sounds, but I'm not always proud of myself as part of it either, that is for sure! Sometimes I feel like the North American "Christian" thing is not the "Christian" thing the persecuted church or rest of the Body worldwide experiences because we often find the wrong things to get busy doing or focus on. In fact, I think we are so wrong that even our right actions are just digging us out of a deep hole. MERCY. But I'll digress about that simply to say that TODAY I saw the family of God and the body of Christ right here in Elizabethtown, and it was beautiful. Dealing with bad news and grief is never what we would choose, but it is the reality of this world, promised in the Word, and God is THERE with them...and us, when it is our time of grief. We don't ask for opportunities like this so that God will come near, we just don't do that, it would be crazy; but nonetheless, He is near to the brokenhearted, so when we can't find Him, that might be where we should look, and so running scared from heartache might not be the position we should take! We have a security and excitement in life or in death...We have one thing that will be transient with us...Jesus. And if He is our One Thing here and now, we can see death in a different light.

So Much To Say...

Well, there is so much to write about and I need to be in bed in...oh dear...I need to have *been* in bed 13 minutes ago. Oops. Anyway, I just have to give the Lord thanks on this semi-public forum--

Yesterday he had an accident at GE; he was welding or cutting some steel, which was on a forklift, and a 500 lb piece of steel became unbalanced and fell from about 10 feet and hit him on the head. He was rushed to the hospital and we didn't know what was happening except that he was talking and conscious, but didn't know if it was a life threatening situation or not. Within about 30 minutes we found out it was not...and within about 3 hours, we were so blessed to find out that he didn't have any broken bones or internal bleeding, just a deep gash. A friend of my mom's had a word from the Lord before any of this information had come in (my mom had called and asked her to pray at a time when all we knew is that he had been rushed to the hospital). The word was, "It's okay, I sent my angels to soften the blow to his head." She did not know he had been hit in the head, none of us did at that time. But this is exactly what had happened. It was truly a miracle that he wasn't crushed or killed! We are in awe and so thankful for the Lord's protection, and we realize a little better, too, that God protects us from tragedy all of the time.

On another note, very randomly from this story, please pray for my little family! We really feel like God wants to do something new in and with us. We are seeking Him and studying Isaiah 58; that's the passage Jack preached from the evening he proposed, and it still fits the life we want to lead. I don't think we lead that life nearly as much or how I imagined, but we are putting ourselves in a posture to hear from the Lord. If that means we stay here and adopt more children, I would love that. If that means we go to a different mission field, that would be really great as well. Jack really would like to have, I guess I should even say needs, a new job; I, personally, am content here as I'm homeschooling and getting involved in some adoption groups, singing again, etc. But either way, discontent with a job or content with life here, that isn't reason to stay or go or whatever! We just want to know what the Lord wants. We want to hear His voice, His still small voice. Pray for us as we set aside time and availability to hear Him.

Last Christmas

I'm kinda thinking about not decorating this year for Christmas. For no reason except that I feel like I am always moving stuff around and cleaning and...yeah, that's not a good reason. Here are some pictures from last Christmas to maybe get me in the mood. Thought I'd reminisce (that was Word Girl's word of the day today)!

So we'll see. :)

Necessities?

I have a strong desire to live simply and for the most part, in a lot of my natural inclinations as well as actions, I do that. I do it for many reasons--some to be frugal, some to be more thankful for what I have, and some so that I can give more money to things other than me and those around me that already have basically everything a human could and should want!

Anyway though, my dear Mother who also lives simply and much more generously, said to me, "Lyn, I'm always buying stuff like shoes, tights, whatever the kids need. Do you and Jack need anything? If so, go get it and I'll pay you back." I wrote her back, "oh gosh, no, I don't need anything." But then I got to thinking about it...it was kind of like a door I never open...or rarely anyway. And so here's what I've ended up with.

Dress socks. Oh my goodness, I have never had a pair of dress socks in my life and rarely have I needed them, or so I thought. My, my shoes fit a lot nicer with dress socks. Ha! And glaring white doesn't stick out above my shoe when I cross a leg. :) I got a pair of sandals so that I can chuck ALL my flip flops. I'm in my 30's. I LOVE flip flops but the $3 variety has been hurting my back. They are brown and you will see them on my feet pretty much every day between May and October next year, unless I'm barefoot, which is even better. I also got a pair of warm fuzzy clogs that will make the winter truly more bearable. Oh, and some new underwear! I guess I did need some stuff, Mom.

Truly these things aren't necessities and I know it. Through my years of this journey of wanting to live in equality with the least of these, which OBVIOUSLY isn't happening, I have grown and learned and am not finished at all. In the process I've had to budge a little and find a balance so that my family doesn't go berserk. It's still on my heart though to absolutely revolt against the system of this world, or maybe just this country, because while I am grateful for what I have, I can't forget how weird it is that people all over the planet don't even have shelter and food. I'm not that smart, I'm not proposing that I know how to fix it, and I can't even point to what we're doing wrong. But somehow it's just wrong, simply because of the result of it. So, my blog is taking a downward turn right now--sorry about that!--but this is me, living in the middle of this thankfulness for my new pack of underwear and also wanting to lead a revolution for equality and seeing to it that WE will not be guilty of having too much while others have too little. Oh, Jesus, show us how to live out Your Kingdom here and if we're in too deep to be able to see our way out, shine a great big light!!!

One of the Best Days of My Life!

On Sunday, we celebrated. Whoa, did we celebrate! Eight people were baptized in our churches (I say churches because it was a joint service between Open House and The Bridge Community, both of which I dearly love). It meant so much to me for several reasons. Let me go ahead and count the ways...

1. Our daughter Selah decided to follow Jesus and was baptized! YAY! I have seen her grow so much while we have been homeschooling. Quantity time is her main love language, and I have seen her flourish under that in ways I couldn't have predicted. Also with the quantity time of homeschooling/not being busy outside of our home very much, we put our hearts and minds, therefore our attention and schedules, to spending time with the Lord. Since praying to receive Christ, she has quiet times and reads her Bible, as well as all the conversations, worship times, and Bible we do together. She shared her testimony (reading off of Post-It notes!) from the baptismal and it was just wonderful. The public thing wasn't the best way for her to show me that she gets it though; she topped it a couple hours later. We were laying on the bed together taking a short nap and she said, "Mom, sometimes in my quiet time, I say to Jesus, 'The precious blood, the precious blood. I know that's gross, but it's like a newborn baby, it comes out all gross, but it's beautiful and wonderful.'" It's all about the blood covering Jesus offers to us. There is so much more as she grows that she will understand and she will rededicate her life (I hope) a million times, because I certainly do...but she knew she needed Jesus to forgive her of her sins and she has yielded her life, attitude, wants, decisions, to Him. Every year that will evolve into more she is offering to Him, I pray. And in the same regard, every year will bring more that she can receive from Him!!!

2. My friend Loren was baptized and I got to share her testimony for her! She was a little shy to talk in front of everyone. I'm so excited and proud of her. She rededicated her life to the Lord just a couple of weeks ago in our small group; we walked through the Romans Road together because even though she has always believed in Jesus, which truly is enough, she had never had a specific time in her life where she called on Him and officially confessed with her mouth that He is her Lord and Savior. We called it her ammunition against Satan, who was causing her to question her salvation. Now she has a date where she made a profession and was baptized, and BY FAITH in God's Word, we know that the covenant has been made. As Selah said, "Our relationship with Jesus is like a knot that cannot be untied." Loren has made the decision to turn from specific sin that used to be in her life and live for the Lord, whatever He calls her to do. We will continue walking together and I'm excited about the younger Christian friends she is making. If anyone needs a girls college age small group in E-town, we have one!

3. It was one of the best days of my life because of what God taught me through the book I wrote about last week, Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman. Her perspective on death, burial, and resurrection is life giving and hope filled. She describes someone dying and being buried as a seed being planted into the ground, and how when Jesus returns, our bodies will be raised imperishable--we will bloom and live with Him and each other forever. We are in winter now, in so many ways...but spring is coming. Jesus is going to come back, just as surely as Jesus Himself beat death and rose from the grave. We are in winter right now, in death or at least a deep freeze, in a time of waiting, a time of advent, kind of like the gap between Malachi and Matthew...As much of a positive and happy person as I am because of the joy of the Lord I cannot escape and don't want to escape the reality of the brutal world as it is right now. This is the season we're in. We have to make sense of it Biblically to the best of our ability. And part of that making sense of it is knowing that when we are "buried with Him in baptism", we die to our worldly way of viewing life in the flesh and we are "raised to walk in newness of life", meaning that now we are alive to the spirit. Our Life becomes hidden with Christ in God. Our life (lower case l on purpose) is what it is, and God is surely reigning over those details as well, but our Life (upper case!) is of the spirit, it's all about what we can't see. Therefore, yes, we need food to keep our bodies alive, and yes, God has things for our bodies to accomplish on this earth, but our spiritual life needs to be kept alive and our body's accomplishments will flow naturally without toil as our spiritual walk is our focus. We must be more attentive to the spirit than the flesh, and in that focus, both will thrive! In Heaven, we are spirit. To prepare for that, we must live as much in the spirit as possible.

Do I know what I'm talking about? Not totally! :) But praise the Lord for His Spirit that takes us deeper daily, as deep as we will choose to go.

Mary Beth's Book

Before I hand it back to my friend, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss writing about Mary Beth Chapman's book, Choosing To SEE. I picked it up and like any great book, I could not put it down. I think I read most of it standing up even, before I realized I was hooked and gave in to the cozy chair in my dining room.

Mary Beth and her husband, Steven Curtis, who I'm sure you've heard of if you've ever listened to a Christian radio station in your life, have lived through an incredible journey. She tells briefly of her life--marrying, seeing his career take off, having 3 children, and then adopting 3 little girls from China. Those stories are inspiring and I love their heart for adoption. Reading this book made me want to adopt again regardless of several sensible reasons I have to not adopt again, at least not at this time. They have also started two ministries, one of which personally affected our family. I'll never forget the day I got the letter saying we were receiving a HUGE grant for our adoption in 2008 from Shaohannah's Hope! This ministry helps Christians adopt, since finances are often an issue. Their other ministry is Maria's Big House, which is a home to many babies and children in China who have severe special needs and may never be adopted. (Just as a side note, I am learning that with governments slowing down what was already a slow process in regard to international adoptions, working with ministries who are on the ground in these countries helping orphans who will never be adopted is an extremely valuable ministry. I love that we grew our family through adoption and would do it again in a heartbeat, but sponsoring children, visiting them, and supporting ministries like the Chapmans have birthed, may be the path my fire is going to take...but I still want to be a mommy to more of them as well!)

So, the second half of the book is about the last 3 years of the Chapman's lives, and those are the most painful years and the most painful pages. She describes the days surrounding their daughter Maria's death; how this "sweet and sticky" 5 year old left this earth to meet Jesus; and what the Lord has done in this family's life since that tragic day that changed their whole world. Mary Beth talks about the community that surrounded them, that was an amazing picture painted. Something that really gripped me was that in their grief and loss, they really had to decide if they believed...if they believed in the reality of Heaven, if all this Jesus stuff was TRUE or not. Because if it was true, then yes, they could grieve with hope. They couldn't get stuck (and they didn't) in the place of "why"; they were so mature and humble to not stay there! Their hope was not in being able to ever understand. Their hope was set on the truth of the gospel, that Jesus was with Maria and that they would all be together again someday when this short life is over.

There are some miraculous events that happened to them as encouragements from the Lord. Little things that were just sweet of Him. One of my best friends has said to me after a tragic event in her life: "The Lord has been so sweet to me this week." It takes a lot of faith and humility before the Lord to say this, and these fellow sufferers have that in common. Suffering really does make us come face to face with what we believe, and face to face, eye to eye, with our Savior. None of us would choose suffering, but it's worth it...ouch...that hurts to even say that, but I know its true. He really has overcome the world, this world He promised would be full of trouble. The great news is that when we are surrendered to Him and not holding on to our way and our wants anymore, it is a win-win situation. Earth, Heaven, life, death. In all four, we have Jesus, if He is our everything. I believe this perspective is the key that so many believers carry--all around the world Christians are living in unimaginable realities, and have the peace of Christ.

The last thing I was left with:

The Chapmans believe that God has entrusted them with "hard" and they feel it is their responsibility to steward it well. That is astounding. And true. And a new thought to me! It is making me think in those terms..."What have I been entrusted with? How can I steward it well as unto the Lord?" This story is an ugly thing for their teenage son, Will, who was driving the car that hit Maria, to learn how to steward well. I'm sure he is saying, "Anything else, Lord, anything, but not this!" So, the seemingly good (talents, skills, spiritual gifts), the seemingly bad (our pasts, weaknesses, even sins we keep fighting), the seemingly pointless (difficulties or disabilities we personally face in relationships or jobs, stuff that is happening with our kids that we are just trying to get through), and even the seemingly ridiculous (quirks and weird stuff that God deposited in us that makes us us) are things we have been entrusted with and must decide to and learn to be good stewards of. No skeletons in no closets, friends! Nothing unusable. Hmm...

I recommend reading the book, even though it brought on a couple of speechless days and dream filled nights. While she tells the whole story of the accident, she doesn't dwell on that; she moves quickly and intently through the rest of the story. Anyone who has grieved will gain insight into their own pain through reading this book and those of us that have not experienced anything of this sort can truly benefit as well! I've said for a long time (as Martha Kilpatrick's personal puppet) that we MUST develop a theology for suffering! It's here and it's not going away; what does it mean and what do we do with it? This book shows a family who has developed their theology for suffering and millions are growing stronger in their faith as they steward their story well.

Ah...Breathing Again

I have no idea what I have learned from the past two or three weeks. It's just been weird and a blur and I would like to be able to say that I handled it well. Instead, I'm exhausted and just now beginning to resurface.

Okay, that may be a little overdramatic! But I am honest in saying that I have to look at my calendar to remember what happened!

So...it all started in an effort to be open minded. That was my first mistake, haha. Jack and I love the idea of moving and starting fresh somewhere; we love the idea of doing a ministry together; we are dreamers and adventurers and sometimes you get tired of talking and you say, "Let's do it! Why not now?"

We have looked at a couple opportunities, which interviews went pretty far, only to spend weeks praying, journaling, discussing until we're sick of talking, making pros and cons lists, and even making some preparations to move, seemingly for nothing. I had a hard time sleeping and my biggest regret is I had a hard time connecting with the Lord. I felt chaotic inside as these decisions were being worked through and I hated it; yet I wanted to be open minded enough to consider these changes, because they were opportunities that I really could see us doing someday and we both are kind of looking for a change. I couldn't say: "God is telling us to do this." But I shy away from saying that like I used to. Did God tell me to do Sister Bridge or make this CD? I don't know! I prayed for years about these things and the desire didn't leave and the opportunity came. Same with adoption, homeschooling, and many other things I've committed to.

So I'm breathing again because of the two things I was able to articulate with some of my students today with their help (the adult ones, haha! I don't usually verbally process to my elementary age piano kids!)

#1 I feel like I have come to the conclusion that I am not ready for a season change, that God is not asking me for a season change yet. Pursuing Him, focusing on my marriage and kids and home, is truly a full time job. I wasn't looking for more, and when "more" came knocking, it was not necessarily tempting, it was just that I wanted to make sure I wasn't being closed minded if it was the Lord. But I think, THINK, that God is saying if we move it needs to be for Jack's job/calling, not mine, because mine is non-negotiable right now. As much as I love missions, adoption, worship leading, singing/songwriting, etc., I can only do those things so much as they take their place in priority well under those other things I mentioned. I feel a peace in my spirit about that and am going with it!

#2 If I am wrong and I am just throwing away opportunities to do some neat stuff where the Lord would work past my limits and through my weaknesses, which I know for sure He CAN do, then I will simply miss out. I am choosing to take that risk. I know He sees my heart and my motives are pure, to the best of my knowledge. If I can't handle what other women handle in their schedules or hearts or minds, who cares? I have to live by MY limits, meaning when I get to the place where I am missing HIM in the fullness I could have Him in, and I am missing my husband and kids in the fullness I could offer to them, which happens to me often, then I have to take a big step back and make sure I am being faithful to the calling I have received. So, all that to say, I may be missing the mark big time, but if I am, I am doing it for Him. I just can't take the risk of missing what matters most.

It bothers me that during these days of decision making, I felt so distant and dizzy. Surely God didn't want me looking at anything or anyone but Him during these days...but I just couldn't think or see straight. Hope God has mercy on my pitiful self when I really do have to make a big life change! :)

But for the time being, whether we move or not is uncertain, but I do know I am not open to anything that would feel like it was a stumbling block to that which I refuse to lose in the shuffle. I heard the quote somewhere that when your priorities are clear, your decisions are easy. Wish I would have remembered that 2 weeks ago.

Breathing Out Gratefulness Today

I am truly breathing out gratefulness today. I have a blurry mind full of bits and pieces of images, words, and feelings, but it's all good. I'm thinking about how girls in Bible study last night said that beauty is defined to them as "inner peace in the midst of chaos", that huge smile Yemi gave me when she turned around in her stroller to look at me today, and the wonderful feeling of my soft blankets which I crashed in just a bit ago!

It crosses my mind often: I live a charmed life! It is so cool to be able to like what you have and love where you are and what you're doing. I am obviously so blessed to have 2 healthy and radiant daughters, much more energy and health than I have had in years, a wonderful and supportive extended family, my dear husband, and the list truly does go on. But it does occur to me that there have been plenty of seasons of life where I had lots of beautiful God gifts in my life but still was hoping for one thing more, one something more.

I am just breathing out gratefulness today because God has given me the grace and peace to live MY life, which means to me that I am accepting and trying to give my best to what He has clearly put in my lap. I'm not looking for more, and I am not searching for my importance by finding more to invest in. Maybe you've always been there, but little Miss Overachiever here did not always know that peace and rest in my soul. What's really neat, too, is that as knowing Jesus takes first place in what I really care about, a relaxation settles in about the other things I am called to do. It's not that those things (singing, making the CD, Sister Bridge, being a mom and wife) aren't important or that I don't care about them, it's just I realize they are not MINE. They really are God's and for His sake. When we aren't concerned about our legacy or reputation anymore, the floodgates of freedom really do open wide! Freedom to just want Him, not get "our panties in a wad" about things, even good God things, and freedom to let Him do what He wants through us as our eyes are elsewhere...

Maybe it's kind of like baseball. I never was good at hitting the ball. When people said, "Keep your eye on the ball", I really wanted to hit them instead of the ball. ARGH! I mean, what does that mean??? Anyway, supposedly if you had your eye only on the ball, you could trust that your arms and the bat and whatever must move to hit the ball would swing around and do its job naturally. But your attention needed to be solely on that ball. Not on your arms or the bat. Same with Jesus. When our goal is to seek His face and know Him better every day, everything else falls into place. I am learning to not keep track or look at what I'm "doing for the Lord". I can hardly stand to even write those words because it's just not like that anymore, thank the Lord! I get far too impressed with myself, or far too upset with myself, and God wants our attention on Him, not ourselves. I'd really like to go through life oblivious and unaware, trusting that as I continually am emptied of myself (sin, opinions, hardheaded ways) and then filled with Him in a living and genuine way, that HE will have freedom to use my life (and I don't have to know about it.)

Well, thanks for reading...More from Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow next. It is such a good book about being the wife God is calling me to be. :)

Sister Bridge

There are several things that I really love and it is super fun and exciting when those things collide. Sister Bridge is a collision of many favorites: I love the nations and missions, I love beautiful material, purses, natural looking jewelry, and quilts, and I love sisters in Christ standing together and helping one another out!

There are such amazing ministries and devoted missionaries out there who are living among the poor, the least of these, widows, and orphans. I love sponsorship, adoption, and mission trips...but there's always need, therefore there's always more room for great ideas! And I've had the desire for a long time to be a representative or "middle-woman" you could say between these ministries/missionaries with good ideas and the people they are helping and everyone here in my small circle of friends and family. I've always wanted to be a voice, and I just had to "die" to it. All the talking, blogging, song-writing, singing, wanting to do something...God definitely wanted me to lay it down and stop worshipping the desire to be useful. And laid down it was.

When all of a sudden this summer I had the opportunities fall in my lap to start connecting with these ministries that gave a skill and an income to at-risk women in three countries, I was surprised! But the timing was right. It is such a joy to just enjoy this, and let God build the house. I want to be really clear that Sister Bridge is nothing more than an idea and I needed a quick noun to say "the people that get the inventory and organize selling it to people in the U.S., connecting women to women all around the world!" You can simply go through Sister Bridge to help these women in Cambodia, Indonesia, and Swaziland...OR you can go online yourself and purchase things! (The Cambodia one, not yet, but hopefully soon we can help them make a website/shipping availability).

As I said, all we are doing is getting the inventory here and keeping track of the money getting back to the ministries. NO ONE profits from this except for the women themselves, and these organizations reaching out to them are fantastic. If you are interested in the 3 ministries and want links to their websites, just check out Facebook.com/SisterBridge. We have items to sell especially in this time of year when people are shopping for Christmas gifts; not sure what inventory we will keep after that. We can give you everything you need to have a party or just bring to your small group, bunco, girls night out, whatever. The items are gorgeous, incredibly reasonable in price (most things are under $20), and original...not to mention the point here: partnership with women who are so much like us who simply do not have the same opportunity for their needs to be met.

I pray Sister Bridge can truly be a bridge between "us" and "them", connecting us until we really do live with equality on our minds and compassion in our hearts. This desire to make a difference, or "do something", is a journey of our own hearts and minds changing. There is no quick leap. And living how we live, surrounded by this constant slurring of our needs and wants, sometimes it feels impossible to ever cross that bridge! I don't believe in just "doing something"; His sheep must know His voice. If helping women in this tangible way is something you'd like to do this season, just contact me and we can help make it happen.

Health Stuff

It is about time to change my blog picture! No more running through the slip and slide...however, I think yesterday it would have been okay, since it was at least 80 degrees! You won't find me complaining...til January! No, I have every intention to enjoy all the seasons, even if I have the personal opinion that winter takes over too much of the year!

Anyway, just wanted to write about my pursuit of healthiness today. A long time ago, I wanted to do some nutrition info groups at my house and blog more often about the things I had learned, things that got me back into the land of the living! But honestly, January through May 2011, I felt like crud again and didn't have much passion to share anything with anybody! Then in June, I started feeling so much better, started waking up early and going running 5 mornings a week, and just all kinds of amazing differences. So, I just wanted to briefly share encouragement of how that came to be in case anyone else needs a little hope...

First of all, Jesus. Always it's going to be: First of all, Jesus. Surrendering my health and future to Him, going through the process of accepting whatever He chose for "my" life which is really His, was a huge part of my journey. Before I got better, I truly had peace that my life was just as valuable and full in bed as it is up and doing all these things, because my LIFE is hidden in Christ and cannot be touched by the things of the physical realm. Amen! Coming to this truth is a long journey that I am still on.

Secondly, I read a book "Tired of Being Tired" by Jesse Lynn Hanley and saw Shelly Roby at Nova Medicine in E-town. I began to live by the knowledge (not perfectly at all, but applying what I could) and taking special pharmaceutical grade supplements that Shelly saw through my blood work that I was depleted of. I did this for a year before I saw improvement, but now I am so glad I persevered! I know now that our food just does not have the nutrients in it that we need, so I eat incredibly well plus take these things. The cost is so much lower than meds I was taking...and I am on NO prescriptions now.

Third, I read (so randomly it seems but it was the hand of God) this tiny paragraph that said, "Sometimes patients who have underwent gall bladder surgery need to be cleansed of the toxins introduced to their bodies under anesthesia. They simply need to do a liver cleanse and take Kyolic garlic supplements in large quantities." OH MY GOSH. I thought, "How amazing would that be if it worked?" I had that surgery in Africa in 2000. I did what the book said, and that is really when I started to see improvement, in about 4 weeks. I felt so well I literally began running 5k's. I definitely still need 11 hours of sleep a night or I crash back into all the old symptoms, and I must continue in all the other therapy included in the book "Tired of Being Tired", but everything is manageable usually if I do what I know.

For anyone tired, not sleeping well, overweight, sick often...read that book! It's like $4 on Amazon! I have definitely learned how important it is to invest in my health, because I'm not sure how other people are, but I struggle emotionally, socially, spiritually, and mentally if my physical stuff is a wreck. If I haven't gotten enough sleep, I make poor food choices, I'm more likely to feel depressed, I do not have perspective with my husband and kids, and then I'm an emotional mess. It's like I can choose to live in a pit and live my life always climbing out of it...OR I can avoid the pit altogether as often as possible. Disciplines like time with God, exercise, and eating healthy don't always feel like they fit in my "I just wanna be carefree" mood...however, by doing these things, I am much more carefree!

It's definitely a passion of mine to share these tiny tidbits I have learned with women who are not getting to live up to their potential, so if you are reading this and want to talk about any part of it, I am available!! Just let me know, and we'll do this together. :)

Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow

I have had this book Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow on my shelf for many years, and have read it many times. If nothing comes of all of this moving stuff around, and we stay here in this house another decade, finding this book will have been worth the mess! I was -okay, am- finding myself in a difficult season of marriage. We are going on 11 years! Yay Us! But certain things in our relationship that are steady and constant are not very good things, and certain things that are good are not steady and constant. I bet you know what I mean.

So I needed a good dose of truth. A talk with a friend really helped me realize some things about myself and brought some perspective. It was hard to talk about it, because I know I am blessed and don't like to be negative and complaining. But sometimes it is just good to hear myself say certain things out loud and look at them out there in the air...I needed to remember I am responsible for myself, my reactions, my heart attitude, and that I must stay in total humility and desperation before Jesus because I do not love my husband like I should, but HE DOES! Hallelujah! And when I don't love my husband like I should it is not because of my husband, friends, it is because of me. Regardless of the details, Jesus can give me love to give, but I have to do the work to stay in that place of receiving (so that I can give).

So, this book...Yes, that's the thing I want to share. This one paragraph says so much. Chapter One excerpt:

"Yes, there are frustrated wives, just as there are frustrated engineers, airplane pilots, and karate instructors. But the frustration does not stem from the nature of the work; rather, it comes from the boredom inevitable in any job done poorly or unimaginatively. (OUCH and HELLO!!! I like this woman. She's a truth-teller.) A creative counterpart is more than just a helper. She is a woman who, having chosen (or having found herself in) the vocation of wife and mother, decides to learn and grow in all the areas of this role and to work as hard as if she were aiming for the presidency of a corporation."

The fact is, I did sign up for this. No one forced me to marry, and no one forced me to marry the specific man I married. I am so lucky to have had that choice and my daughters will have that choice as well. Maybe we chose or will choose other vocations as well, but that doesn't mean that we are not responsible for being excellent at this particular vocation of wife or mother or just woman. It's a beautiful task. Women are amazing, and I want to keep perpetuating that good image, especially in a world where men and women alike value women by their weight, looks, or accomplishments outside the home. Hey, I think weight, looks, and accomplishments outside the home are fine and dandy...but they are not the most important thing, by far! We can, by God's grace, be professionals at this. I am encouraged and challenged by this!