Ah, New Years

New Years has always been a big deal to me. I'm big on focus and simplicity.

Here are my basic thoughts...

*I want to live surrendered, at the foot of Christ, enjoying Him, and not getting all freaked out about making everything happen. No day is a waste if I'm here, in my heart. (Mary, John 11 & 12)

*I want to use my spiritual gifts until Jesus returns: encouraging, giving, intercession, missions, mercy. I don't want to look around and see if anyone gives me a thumbs up. i'm tired of that! I want to use my gifts for the Lord! (Col. 3:23)

*My marriage is going to get better every week! (Eph. 5:1)

*Raising up the girls in the truth and happy heart of the Lord; I want them to know Him intimately, not just about Him. Meeting more christian friends will be wonderful for them; praying about groups they will join.

*This year, we decide on Selah's elementary education, or at least the first year of it. Lots of research and prayer there!

*This year, I feel like I need to realize the clues when I am getting exhausted and stay very flexible regardless of who is inconvenienced. Lots of discipline required here, which is difficult in itself but gets much harder when I'm tired.

*We want to work on our house, since we are always, always here! For 8 years, we've really disliked some things and some were just gross (carpet where 4 dogs, um, lived.) I was the queen of the "only buy what you must have because we need to practice equality with our global neighbors" parade, and we have changed very little about the house. But, although I still feel the same way as i did during my "reign" as queen, I never fully got an answer from God about what to do in regard to this situation of living in "The United Excess of America" except "be still and know Me, and live by the Spirit. Do what you CAN do, don't worry about what you can't." Didn't get those specific rules I was hoping for. But through the process my heart got where He wanted it to be. So, I don't see things in such black and white, wrong and right anymore; I just sort of feel what we can do and what we can't do. What we can give and what we can't. It is not monetized or written law. It's harder this way, and I bet you I'm not even halfway correct in the way I'm living. But that balance will ALWAYS be a tight rope I'm conscious of walking.

So, there's my upcoming year--or at least what I think I'll be spending it on. Cheers!

Christmas

Remember that holiday when Selah woke Jack up early on Christmas morning, and instead of saying, "Daddy, let's get up and open presents!", she says, "Daddy, daddy, wake up! I have a booger the size of an acorn in my nose! But thankfully, I have big --what are these called?--oh a nostril---Thankfully I have a big nostril and the ability to get it out."

Remember that Christmas when Selah tackled Granmere in her exuberant joy and thankfulness for her presents? Ah, the memory of 50 faces in utter terror and silence; but my (80 year old with knee problems) Granmere didn't officially fall down...she was just a little in shock. Thankfully she likes kids with a little spunk.

Remember that year when Yemi threw a fit throughout the beautiful reading of Luke Chapter 2 on Christmas Eve? Somehow 75 of my family members, along with their babies of all ages, are quiet and calm for these few precious moments...but not mine. This is always my daughters' moment to either get in the middle of the room and dance (making everyone laugh instead of be reverent) OR embarrass me with their outrageous super sonic loudness. An aunt on one side says, "It's okay, let her play"; an aunt on the other side gives me the evil eye. What to do, what to do?

Remember watching The Muppets sing the "12 Days of Christmas" with Jimmy Fallon, and Sesame Street's manger scene clip, and laughing our heads off together at Bert's hay fever and baby Natasha crawling? Remember watching Santa Clause 2 & 3 about 2 or 3 times more than we would have liked? Every day?

Well, this was not yester year my friends. It was this past week.

And to end on a personal note, I also remember eating too much sugar cookie dough and getting that icky feeling but not learning my lesson. I remember eating peanut butter balls in bed. Okay, that's a lie. I literally do not remember it, thanks to ambien, but I am told by a reliable source that it happened. I remember losing it completely during one of Yemi's tantrums because I was missing bedtime. Her's, mine, and both of ours, and everybody elses in the world; bedtimes were missed.

But I also remember Christmas morning sleepy eyes and flannel pj's and reclaiming bits of papers from a certain toddler's mouth and seeing a 4 year old Princess receive a few more things to charge her imagination...and possibly her vanity. Oops. I remember a joy and relief deep down, knowing that all four of us were home for Christmas for the first time. It is easy to give thanks...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. More to come about Marriage Step 4 next. :)

Jack & Lyn, Part 3

SO...the next part of my and Jack's 9 years together involves a little bit of everything. It was a crazy bunch of years, from 2002-2006. We had moved into the great gift of our home (given as inheritance from Jack's family), with a sweet little dog named Lily. I was working at Lifeway, which I really liked. I was the stockroom manager and music section person; I loved helping people find stuff, praying with people in the store, and tidying up. Little did I know I would be doing SO much of that tidying up at home in the years to come! Jack worked probably 4 or 5 jobs during these 3 years; he was pretty creative and tried it all! He worked at a tree farm, a boys home, a lumber company, a printing press, plus we did a Lifeway camp (M-FUGE) in Jacksonville one summer. I'll tell you, this was the beginning of being very disappointed in our career/degree choice from college. I was a Christian Social Ministries major, because I loved the nations and was positive that I would be an international missionary. It never occurred to me that I needed a skill other than talking to people about Jesus and singing songs. Jack was an Educational Ministries major, because he was then and has been for years an excellent, silly, much-loved youth minister. He felt he would always be on staff doing ministry, either in a para-church capacity or something creative along those lines. He is incredible at dreaming up and starting things; he's also great with a video camera and sees things others don't see in photography. It seemed so simple to us back in college. We would use these natural giftings for the rest of our lives and it would be great. But after just a few years into the game, it began to feel like we were only trained for this tiny margin of work, most of which did not pay enough to live on...most of which wanted you to work full time for part time pay. As much as I wanted to be on the mission field, I was struggling with my health here in the good ol' safe and healthy U.S.A. and it just felt impossible. We had seen enough of church staff to wonder how we could "go there" again. We were wondering if we needed to go back to school or what! We chose "or what". Probably not the best choice!

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But then in January of 2004 we met people who were starting the Bridge. That was a really fun year of servant evangelism projects, house worship, and getting to know an amazing core of church-planters-in-training. We were involved in everything! In September of 2004, two cool things happened while I was doing mission work in Panama for about a month. Our church began a partnership with a great little church plant in a poor neighborhood and I found out I was pregnant. I will never forget that time! Such great memories. Eventually, that partnership sort of ebbed away after their last visit here in 2006, but some good relationships were made. I can't wait to go back and visit, both the city and the island of Mamitupu, where I slept in hammocks and drank orange soda out of a billion times recycled bottles with my friends lovingly called "the sisters". Oh, and as for being pregnant, Jack and I had not been planning or trying...but it was a great surprise! I had a wonderful pregnancy, and in June 2005, our life was rock and rolled by Selah Jordan Taylor.

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That same month, two other things happened in our lives. Bad news first: Jack had to be scheduled for surgery on his spine. Having a newborn while this was going on was very difficult. I've been scaring my friends for years, telling them stories of how tired I was Selah's first 6 months and how terribly demanding it was to have a baby. But the fact is, if you don't have a sleep disorder or a husband who literally cannot get out of the recliner, it's not that big of a deal! And I can't forget about the good news: Jack's volunteer position with the youth at the Bridge turned into a paid, full time gig. I also worked with the youth girls a lot, and continued to (try to) plan global focus services and events. For the rest of 2005 and 2006, our lives completely revolved around Selah and the life of the church. Next, we discuss the "diverse city & adoption years". Stay tuned. :)

How We Fell in L.O.V.E

I'll backtrack a little, before the whole "first church, scary dog" phase. Jack and I met when we were in college; the first week he was on campus as a freshman to be exact. He was really the cutest thing, and he knew it. He had on this striped rainbow colored shirt, bell bottom jeans, and a train engineer's hat. He was loud and funny, and already had lots of girls giggling and wanting to hang out on Stapp Lawn with him. I wasn't impressed because I was a sophomore and my thoughts were: "Um, hello, we have studying to do, and you're a goof-off." But slowly my thoughts, as they always do, went to: "Um, actually, let's goof off!" So, we did. We had a blast, but I knew after our first "date" he was too silly for me. He would have been bored with me, honestly.

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So, for the next three years of my college career, Jack and I were very close friends. We saw each other through relationships, both good and bad. Jack was always the guy I could count on. He would take me to Wal-mart (I didn't have a car), cheer me up when I was lonely, and help explain stuff from math class to me. We were truly brother and sister. There are so many funny stories, but all so very incriminating!

Fast forward through my Senior Year, onto the summer after. Jack was a youth minister at a church near my parent's house, and he asked me to start the youth praise band at his church. So all summer, my great friend Jack insisted on picking me up for church. We had a ton of fun with his youth and the other workers; then I spent several months in China that fall while Jack went back to college. The only person I really wanted to call when I had the chance was Jack. Suspicious, right? At different times for over 6 months, Jack and I both recognized that we had feelings for each other, but we didn't say much. (I felt so mature, not just blabbing my feelings instantly like I had done with others in the past!)

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But then the day of blabbing came. At Joanna's apartment in Campbellsville, a bunch of best friends were together because I was leaving for Africa in 2 weeks. Lots of my guy & girl friends were there, people I still love so much and had such good times with. I knew, sitting there with all these friends, that things would be changing. We might not even all be in the same room ever again. I wondered how I would live without those people in my daily life. College had really spoiled me; I had the best friends in the world to do everything with and that next stage of life maybe wasn't going to be able to include them. But looking across that room, I saw Jack, and I felt so strongly that he was the one person I couldn't bear to not come with me into the future. So, I got up off the couch, walked across the room, and squeezed myself right next to him. We talked all night. I still went to Africa, but we got engaged 6 months later when I was home recovering from surgery. I went back to Africa, but health problems sent me home after just 5 more months...then 8 weeks later, on New Years Day 2001, we were married!

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Observing Our Anniversary

This weekend Jack and I are "observing" our Anniversary, which is actually on January 1st. We just take the babysitters when they are available! We have been married almost 9 years...in love for 10 1/2! It is amazing how times goes by. I would say it flies, but I'm not sure it does honestly. I am thinking through each phase we have been through in our marriage, and some of them sorta dragged on I must say!

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When we got married, we lived in a parsonage next to our first church, where I was the secretary and music minister and he was the youth pastor and associate pastor. Jack and I bonded a lot there because after the pastor resigned, we literally had our Monday morning staff meetings in bed. There were many great things about this season of our lives, and some difficult ones of course. I had just come home from Africa and was starting to struggle with a sleep disorder that would take years to diagnose. Jack was putting up with a wife who thought cheese, crackers and grapes were a lovely meal. Then all of a sudden, a new pastor came in and to accommodate his family, we literally packed all night, throwing our stuff in big black garbage bags so that the house would be ready for him the next day or so. After about 6 months of working with him, we realized we should have thrown ourselves in the big black garbage bags and quickly moved through the night. One more thing about this time: Buster. Buster the man eating dog who barked all night long contributing to my eternal sleep problems. Buster. Never in my life have I contemplated murder except in scenarios involving barking dogs! I once had this burnt bowl of chili I was throwing out to him (he was on a leash one foot from my carport), and I seriously considered poisoning it. But I didn't. I promise.

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Okay, so this blog just got us through phase one of our marriage. I'm sensing a series coming on.

Lights and Shadows

"Oh but this year is different, for you and for me

our own little miracle on our own little street

never before have I loved silent night so

but now that you're here by my side

baby it is, baby it is, it really is a wonderful life."

This year really is different, and better! We have our girls, safe and sound, enjoying the Christmas season together at home. It is such a relief that our adoption process is over, and Yemi Taylor, right now as I type, is asleep in her crib in our very house! Selah is at a lovely age for Christmas, taking in each and every experience as if it were a miracle. It is a joy to do things with her and give gifts to her, because she appreciates it all so much. I used to sing a song all the time called "How Could I Ask For More?" by Cindy Morgan, and that's how I feel with this family God has given us. Lighting candles, the sparkling tree, singing every Christmas song and watching every Christmas movie...we started early to fit it all in. It's been a good season already, with lots of time together, which is the best part!

But to be honest, (because what is a blog for if you can't be honest, right?) I'm taking all this in, every day, and sometimes I am terrible at living in the moment. I think about some things I would like changed way too much, like about our house or certain situations; I think about how much I don't want the kids to grow up, how sad that will be. I think about feeling like a failure in some other areas of my life that can't be attended to right now. Ultimately, I'm not at rest in what God has given me in the present way too often and I think it's because of fear. I'm afraid that these health issues I've been facing are going to ruin the beauty and privilege of this time; that Jack and I will get in some kind of rut that keeps our family from achieving all God has for us; I'm afraid of things changing before I'm ready.

I have to remember He will be there with me when all these things and people I love so much are no longer with me in the same way they are today. He is with me now, in the ideal days and in the crappy days. He will be with me then. I have to draw near to the everlasting light, my hope for yesterday, today, and tomorrow...who does not change like shifting shadows or fade in and out through time. His love is all I need.

Today at the Nursing Home

Today, Selah, Yemi, Grandma, Grandad, and I went to the nursing home. It was very fun and super funny. I set up my guitar and music, while Grandma was holding Yemi (who was screaming bloody murder of course), and Selah was out mingling with the residents, pretending with little giggles that she could understand what they were saying. Grandma had worn her Christmas sweater and everything, but she had to miss the concert...Yemi HAD to be escorted away. There were people visibly in pain from her screaming. I was one of them.

So, I get to singing some fun Christmas songs, and there is no microphone or anything. I'm singing as loud as I can, and one woman yells out, "Can anyone hear her?" and no one replies. Grandad rolls this woman's wheelchair so close to me that, literally, her shoe gets stuck under my music stand. In the middle of "What Child is This?", right as she was coughing really hard (on me), I had to stop the song and free her foot. Also, about 10 steps away from us, the 25 second long, as loud as Yemi (or the tornado siren, whatever) buzzer went off when any one in the hallway walked out the door. There were a lot of men working on the plumbing, electricity, etc. today. A lot. They liked that particular exit. They never learned how to punch in the code. I could have said or sang anything for those 25 seconds, as I was bleeped out so nicely!

We ended up doing "Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)" three times, because more people kept coming in wanting to know if Selah was going to sing. Although she did a nice job singing, Selah (4 1/2 years old) is banned from future small concerts, because she kept interrupting me in the middle of songs! One time, she went over to a sweet lady in her wheelchair and they started having this loud conversation. All I could hear was "What's your name, little girl?" at least 7x in a row, and Selah kept saying, "What? I don't understand you." It was like, let's get this woman to stop singing so we can talk. (Hmm...I've felt that way before, too. Totally understandable.) Then, during "The Light of God" after I had asked Selah to sit next to me quietly, she interrupted me to say, "Mom, this is boring. Can I play the piano?" Needless to say, there was no McDonald's lunch reward this afternoon.

Anyway, these are funny things, but it really was a good time! I gave somebody an excellent nap, and my friend Mr. Cofer could hear every word and truly enjoyed it. We all sang nice and loud for Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and Silent Night, and everyone said it got them in the Christmas mood. And lastly, when our hour was up, Selah went around saying to everyone, "I hope you really enjoyed my mommy's songs. Don't you just think she is the best? Didn't you love her songs?? I hope you liked us."

Very memorable singing day. I'll do it again soon. :)