Potty at the Party

Selah just finished telling me the whole story about last night.

We went to a bonfire at our good friends' house, and we were all in the backyard having fun when Selah said she needed to go potty. So, I sent her in the house and kept an eye out for her as she walked the path (lit by hand carved jack-o-lanterns!) and went inside. I kept watching for her to come out, and finally about 10 minutes later, I told Jack we probably out to go get her and go ahead and be on our way home as well.

We joked as we walked that she was probably in there eating candy...

But, sadly, she was sitting on the toilet with no toilet paper! Tonight as I was putting her to bed, she told me, "I was sitting there yelling 'Mommy! Mommy!' and my booty was stinging, and I couldn't get up. Then I yelled out, 'Please, Jesus!'' The way she described it tonight made me laugh so hard! For now on, I'll go with her to the bathroom. Lesson learned.

Wordless Wednesday

An Anniversary

I didn't even know how to feel when she told me my flight back to Kentucky would be on October 25th. Much to (what was left of) my team's annoyance and disappointment, I had tearfully announced I would be leaving Mali, West Africa, and breaking my 2 year commitment as a Journeyman with the International Mission Board. My team leader made my travel plans for me, and I was set to leave on October 25th, 2000. What's ironic about this date is that I had begun my missionary experience on exactly October 25th, the year before.

God's funny.

And here it is, October 25th, 2010. Ten years later! I still have signs of malaria and mono, two illnesses that never quite leave the bloodstream. I still have vivid images that bring all kinds of emotions when I shut my eyes. I still have memories that make me laugh out loud. I still have pictures of my loved ones in my village sitting around my house, telling me every time I pass them that they do not look like that anymore. Five year old Fanto is no longer doing his cartwheel-pick-up-a-banana-peel trick. In fact, he is probably working a field, riding a bike with one flat tire if not two, and perhaps even has a girlfriend named Fatima. Ten year old Nana is probably cooking for her own kids now instead of her siblings, braiding people's hair in between meals, clucking her tongue in gossip about a neighbor. I can see it.

That year of my life was a wonder. As I look back, I can't help but think it was a movie I watched and not something I actually lived. The weirdest thing I feel is that I'm not still living it. There are some things I would do differently if I could do it again; but ultimately, I am the same person as I was then. I really did stand in awe of God that year, I really did walk hand in hand with Him in utter dependence and trust. I learned a proper fear and respect of my God; I learned perhaps step one in the process of genuine faith, like Hebrews 11 and 12 kind of faith. My heart is sore when I look back into that year that came and went a whole decade ago; I'm sad that I haven't been able to keep up any relationship with those families I love so much but thankful those relationships were made at all.

I have to end on this very happy note: I will see many of them again someday! In the air, there won't be the barrier of distance or years...I hope they'll believe me when I tell them I carried them in my heart my whole life.

The Mommy Post

I am excited to say I am writing for my friend's blog now; it's called the Mommy Post! My friend's name is Megan, and we have been bestest girlfriends since our college years at Campbellsville University. She now is the beautiful mother of 2 beautiful girls- twins actually!

My little column for her blog is all about nutrition, especially food, meals, menus, etc. I am excited! Even though I'm not "a cook" by any means, I really do love the area of nutrition (and dare I say, even dieting?) I'm weird. But I am always looking for new healthy whole foods, as well as learning how to use food for what it was intended for! That's a little harder than it sounds.

This week's blog was about making healthy eating affordable, if you'd like to check it out. I feel like a dork, because I'm sure it's things everyone already knows, but I shared some rules of thumb that I live by anyway. :)

www.themommypost.com

Yemi's Morning-Through Her Eyes!

So, today I woke up in my crib and bounced around for awhile. Mommy could even hear me downstairs in her bedroom with earplugs in! It was great fun, and I knew she would come in my room soon. She came in and said, "Good morning!" and found me with my pillow on the other side of the crib (I get bored) and my diaper off (I get wet). I said, with a huge grin, for the night time was over at last, "Goo mornin'! How doing?"

So Mommy let me wear a pull-up even though she knows I have no intention whatsoever of using the potty today, and we set off to make breakfast. I said, "Dip", which everyone knows means: "I want dry cereal on my tray and a little bowl of milk to dip it in." That was fun. I asked for "my-mins", which is my vitamins, but just like every other day of the week, Mommy said, "No, not until dinner."

After breakfast, I stomped my little foot and said, "Elmo. Now." And Mommy said a bunch of stuff that started with "young lady." I tuned out the rest, then she asked Jesus to make my heart tender and repentant! She's so silly. I went and got my purse and filled it with some things for the day, then put my coat on, and then I slipped on some pretty pink shoes that "Ra Ra" (some people choose to call her Selah) wore in a wedding one time. Then I said, "Okay, Momma! Let's go! I'm going! Bye bye!"

(This picture I am adding is one of my favorite faces. Its kinda like I'm saying, "I'm a little naughty, but also a little pitiful, so I deserve mercy.")

Mommy kept sweeping and doing dishes while I tried (I really did) to stay out of her dirt pile and the dishwasher. It's really hard for me to remember...and at last, it was Elmo time! Mommy and I scooted down the steps on our bottoms, and then I ran to my rocking chair, yelling, "Elmo's World!" very clearly, I might add.

It's not even lunch yet, and I've already gotten in trouble for getting into the stuff on the table, closing the piano thingy on my hand, getting into the library book bag, and let's see...what else? It doesn't matter. Mommy's giving me a big hug and kiss. It's a good morning.

One Word Wednesday: "HOME"

Eden Eyes

Our pastor on Sunday briefly talked about how Adam and Eve lived fully alive before sin. Their spiritual eyes were wide open. They lived fully because they were alive in the Spirit. Then with sin, their eyes were opened more fully to their physical realm instead, and closed to the spiritual realm. They didn't even realize they were naked even though they had bodies...until sin entered their lives. I always wondered why they "all of a sudden" saw they were naked, and now I get it. And it shows me how God is wanting to restore the Garden in our lives!

Because of Jesus, our eyes can be open again to who we are in Christ in the spiritual realm and give very little concern to all this in the physical realm. What does this look like in real life? Maybe these are a few beginning thoughts. There is a peace instead of worry, as Matt 6:25-34 says to seek first His Kingdom (ah ha, spiritual realm!) and then all these things (eat, drink, wear, do- all physical realm) will be given to you as well, because the Father knows what you need. There is a focus on the unseen, which is all over the New Testament, vs. a focus on the temporal. There is a joy as we find our Life in Him, apart from the cares of this world, and then once we find that completeness in Him, we bring it back into the world we see and feel...and honestly at that point even the most dire of situations has new perspective and we are able to be more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.

I am praying today that I would live fully alive (because this is a major problem for me!! I struggle with being bored, moody, unfocused, etc.), alive and aware like Adam and Eve were, in the spirit, before the fall of man. It's Fall outside, and it is beautiful. And the word "fall" has been on my mind all week, making me think of the fall of man, and how that fall turned us so inward and we became so consumed with self in that moment. The fall. It was a hard, shattering drop from perfect and at peace and in love with God to all of a sudden naked and ashamed, with eyes only for the physical realm they found themselves in. I believe God wants to bless us with Eden Eyes once again; because of Jesus, only because of Jesus, is it possible.

I think sometimes we consider ourselves responsible for many, many things, just like Martha. But Jesus is telling us there is one thing we are responsible for first and foremost and maybe even solely...and that is to be dwelling in Him, gravitating to Him in mind, heart, soul, and strength. Not spending our thoughts, desires, identity, and energy on what we can do for Him, but on Him. If we think that is too small or too easy or not enough, I believe God will show us differently when we enter in and try it. Staying gravitated toward the Lord all day is work, and it's the only work that brings rest. And as for the many things we are responsible for the earthly, physical realm, God gives us a supernatural motivation and ability for...as our eyes are not set on them.

alive!

It is completely necessary to blog or journal or take pictures or do SOMETHING to commemorate today, because I felt great! It is such a relief to just feel healthy and good sometimes. My family and I have been sick for weeks, and we are all pretty much back to normal now--hallelujah! The leaves are changing, and I feel very sure that I missed autumn last year entirely because it feels like it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. (Last fall, I was sick and in bed basically as the leaves turned and then quickly fell.)

Selah is happy in school, and I love doing "home school" with her when she comes home everyday. For about an hour and a half, we do reading, writing, math, Spanish, piano, Bible verses/prayertime, and whatever homework the teacher sends home. We don't have time for all of that every day, but we just regularly do these things and it's such fun, good quality time together.

Yemi is talking more! She is pretty stubborn and still not doing well in potty-training, but she's a doll baby and she knows it. We've been having fun together. She is really into Elmo and Sesame Street, and as always Baby Einstein! We go to the Library every Wednesday for a class and she is learning to sit during a story and use the glue stick for crafts...it's a little crazy because that child has fire in her eyes and she doesn't enjoy settling in for a nice leisurely activity!

I give thanks for these days. I was so worried about what I should do, maybe go back to school, or how can I be more involved at church...and I cannot say what others should do, but for me, I'm supposed to be right here, right now, with all my heart. I can't do more than this. I am perfectly limited in God's will. And what I love about today is that I can see that clearly. That is indeed a gift!

Place in this World

I am chuckling at my own title, because I'm singing Michael W. Smith's song to myself..."Trying to find a reason, searching through the night to find my place in this world, my place in this world..." And I'm sure I got the words wrong, because my brain is incapable (INCAPABLE I TELL YOU!) of remembering the exact words to songs! Even my own songs! Anyway...moving on.

Jack and I truly are searching through the night to find our place in this world. Good news is that we have found our place with each other and our dear little daughters. That is sure, and we find great fulfillment and comfort and thankfulness in that. Then above and beyond the family relationships, our place with Jesus--hidden in Him, alive in Him, complete in Him, tucked right in His arms bringing Him delight until the day we see His face--that's a place out of this world, actually, and it's all we really need.

But today through talking with some dear friends, I saw that God did make us all unique with specific gifts and talents that we need to work on and develop and feel free to spend our life doing...hopefully even doing for our career and income. Jack and I both feel like we were led astray a bit in our younger years, because we fit in the category of "called to vocational ministry" (meaning we would work for a Christian organization or church)...but I'm not sure that we fit there anymore. I'm not sure there are openings for us there, at least that would take care of our needs. We're not looking to be rich, but we do have to have money to live, unfortunately. I am fine with the fact that more and more opportunities in the church are volunteer...I'd even go as far as to say that's how it should be. However, that is what we went to school for and were trained to do. Now, we are left not fitting into any category.

I blogged before about what I would maybe go back to school for; it's fun to search and dream a little. But it's also a little stressful. Before kids, even before marriage, definitely before monthly bills, became a reality, the options did seem a little more open because the time and opportunity to work hard for those options seemed possible. Now, I just don't know.

I'll end my thoughts for today with this: I'd rather have a shortened life, a poor life, a difficult life even, doing what I was created to do than play it safe and just survive. So, may the Lord give us direction as we look at life in a new way.

It's late

oh my word, it is late. I haven't been up until 1 a.m. in ages, and for good reason! But tonight, I ate too much chocolate and I have acid reflux and can't sleep. Pitiful, I know! It may set off my sleep clock for quite a while unfortunately, but sometimes its natural consequences such as these that wake me to reality...i.e. make me stop eating too much chocolate.

I never was very good at kicking bad boyfriends to the curb.

But I'm still trying.

What i really want to write about at this crazy late hour before I start my fun week of fall break with my girls, is: Careers. Currently, I do not have one. Since the age of 14, my heart was set on being a missionary. A missionary who learns languages, loves on people, does basic health care and education where needed, writes, and sings. That really is my heart right there, all wrapped up in one sentence. But what a big weird situation I'm in, seeing as how I am in a little town in Ky, doing very little of this dream job description.

How did I get here, how am I going to get out, am I supposed to get out? Ah, who knows except the Lord. I usually don't get too worried about, at least not these days because my life is full with what I DO have in my hands, leaving less time to care about what I do NOT have in my hands. But lately, with some job issues and such, and a few tiny thoughts about the future, I've been thinking...If being on the mission field isn't in the cards for me, what is? What is supposed to become of these parts of me that are not being used?

Here are some ideas of what I could go back to school for: Teaching ESL. Counseling (mental health/grief/pastoral/wellness). Campus ministry. Special Education. Something I could do with writing/languages. (I love words.) Hmm. I just never considered that I would need a skill or degree that would be useful in the United States; when I was in college, I was thinking about underdeveloped nations, and to be honest, I still am. But I can't imagine, with my health, and now with my daughters, living in the midst of that anymore. I didn't have a back up plan.

My girls will have to double major and get a sensible Masters Degree, that's all I ask. :)