The Cross and the Throne

I wanted to share a couple of thoughts today that are making this Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday extremely meaningful to me.  God has graciously given me some touch points this frazzled brain of mine can hold to when I'm feeling disconnected from the beautiful truths of this weekend.

About a week ago, my 4 year old daughter was acting really out of control, and unfortunately, me in my 34 years of wisdom "decided" to go there with her. I had been through hours of her difficult behavior, and had stayed so calm and quiet and firm, until all of a sudden I was the complete opposite of those things. I yelled at her and slammed the door and just acted like a fool. A few minutes later I went back to her and her sister, and in tears, I asked for their forgiveness. They were precious; we hugged and kissed, and while I didn't feel like I deserved such immediate love, they gave it. Then I asked them to please pray with me. I closed my eyes and as I began to pray, asking for God's forgiveness for my anger and lack of self control, I saw a bright red drop of blood. Still with my eyes closed, this is what I saw in the darkness--a bright red drop of blood. I felt Jesus saying, "When drops of my blood spilled onto the ground, it was for this, it was for you. It was for all these moments when you realize you are not righteous on your own and have no where to turn and no where to go to be cleansed, but to Me." I will never forget this, and this Good Friday I see that drop of blood in my mind and all I can say is "It cleanses and covers me. I'll take it and let it do it's work in me. Thank You, Jesus."

And then not too long ago my friend shared on Facebook about her newborn son dying. He would be a teenager now and she was writing a message on his birthday. Her message to him brought me to tears and I was speechless--I don't know where she found the words, except that the Holy Spirit gave them to her. She reminded all of us reading that her son's very existence in Heaven with Jesus, that his eternal life that began on his birthday, is proof of the Resurrection. Because Jesus was victorious over death and the grave, SO SHALL WE BE if we are in Christ! If He had not risen, what hope do we have of His promise of our own resurrection? None at all. What hope would we have of seeing the saints, the children, and our loved ones who have gone before us someday in Glory? None at all. But because He lives, so do they, and so will we. Full of His Spirit here, alive in the light of His Face there. It's a win-win situation, as all things are in Christ.

May this sacred weekend bring you and your family to the Cross and to the Throne, both of which are available fully and freely to ANYONE, all because of our hero, Jesus Christ.

Thoughts for the Beloved...

Hello Friends. I am not quite sure when I blogged last, but it certainly feels like its been awhile!
It is a good time, with Spring (maybe?) on the brink...

In my heart though, there is some turmoil. I feel the turmoil of inequality, abuse, and poverty when I get prayer requests from International Justice Mission, or when I write letters to our sponsored children, or when I hear news about Mali or Israel, or when I wait with adoptive families for news so much slower than Christmas. I've learned that this grief is a part of my life, and I bear it with the Lord, with being the key word. But there is a different kind of turmoil, and I think many in our country feel it right now. It's the turmoil of disagreement and strife among friends and family and believers that has risen due to issues of morality. It seems that we are all stepping over each other, raising our hands, jumping up and down, trying to get our version of "values" picked. I'm not saying we should be silent, Beloved. But here are some thoughts I'm wanting to focus on in these times...

I am comforted by the truth that this was never supposed to be my home. As believers, we are ambassadors! Think of a foreign ambassador and what they do! The US Ambassador to Kenya doesn't try to make the Kenyans live and think and act like Americans. No, they simply represent their country to the best of their ability. We represent the Kingdom of God with the help of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes that means we put in our 2 cents about moral standards, I certainly don't see why we can't because as light we brighten and as salt we enhance--our words of truth and wisdom can be great gifts--but most of the time I think being an ambassador is just going to mean we remember we are strangers, we don't expect to have a country at all like our own, we aim to hold true personally to the standards of our own King, and we offer luxurious gifts of grace and love from Him to anyone who will receive them.

I believe that the feelings that flare up inside when our moral standards are not agreed upon by the masses or the lawmakers comes from two things. One, we are feeling God's sadness that people are turning farther and farther from His touch and His wise parental guidance. It's hard to see our country which has been blessed as "One Nation Under God" slowly but surely make that last word taboo. It's heartbreaking when believers interpret the Word differently than each other and feel that they could not possibly be wrong. Christian values doesn't even mean the same thing to me as it may to you! That's because none of us are perfectly in sync with the heart of God. But on the issues that I know for sure break God's heart,  I am learning that these difficulties and disagreements should simply lead us to pray so much more, and make our grief over these things more of a vertical conversation rather than a horizontal one.

Two, I think we are upset because we're simply afraid. It is normal for a child to feel fear when they are not given boundaries, or when they live inside boundaries but all of a sudden no one else is enforcing their playmate's boundaries. When we feel the morality ship is starting to sink, we become afraid and insecure, because we see that the lack of boundaries is going to bring bondage and negative natural consequences instead of freedom and rewards, like we see in families where the parents refuse to discipline their children. When we feel afraid though, we must remember that this is not our home. We're not supposed to settle in comfortably and build a fort around our families, hoping to escape the consequences of the actions we were four square against. Its just like in a marriage or a tight knit community. Whether you like what a loved one did or not, you're likely going to have to suffer the effects of their choices right along with them, at the very least indirectly...and that makes us scared. And sure, angry, too. But we don't need to be afraid.

We are just passing through, friends. We were not promised reward, physical freedom, luxury, ease, or safety here in this foreign land! We should expect turmoil, disagreement (while we don't go looking for it, Jesus never once sugar coated the truth in order to make peace), misinterpretation of our beliefs, misunderstanding of our intentions... and we should bear up under these peaceably without taking offense, like Jesus. Don't be afraid to live by your consciences, that doesn't make you prejudiced or judgmental! That's your right as a human being to think what you want! But we must remember the gentleness in which Jesus showed the heart of God to the world. As the Beloved, remember this: "When they hurled their insults at Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly. He Himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." (1 Peter 2:23-25)

The humility of a forgiven sinner can go a long way in shining the light of Jesus in a dark world.

Sacred Moments

I just finished putting the girls to bed, and was blessed with some very sweet moments. I admit I rush through bedtime so often! Just want to get.to.the.couch!  But tonight I was a little more at ease. I thought I'd share these...

I kissed Yemi goodnight and she said, "Can I sing a song to you?" And I said yes. She sang:
"Jesus loves the little mommies. All the mommies of the world. Yellow, red, and black and white, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little mommies of the world." :)

I kissed Selah goodnight and she said, "Can you lay down and talk for a minute?" And I said yes. (How thankful I am for that question! I hope she always asks!) She was talking about some struggles and thoughts for a minute. God is teaching me to listen and not freak out and offer too much advice; this will be a lifelong lesson for me, but for certain personalities, I'm learning they just need to talk things out and not have someone react but just listen and trust they will work it out. Anyway, then she got silly...then she got serious...then she said, "You know what, Mom? When I grow up, my dream is to be Abraham Lincoln #2. When I die I want to be able to say I did my very best to end slavery in the world." I felt like a Jewish father on the Sabbath, resting my hand on her shoulder and blessing her, saying amen to that desire. (And of course I felt like I needed to say after blessing her that the Lord may choose to use her in a completely different way, and we must surrender to Him. Gotta stick that in there since it has been the story of my life!)

The Holy Spirit reminded me of the verse where Paul says to fan into flame the gifts of the Spirit by the laying on of hands, to affirm the thoughts and desires and ideas of the people of God. Oh, to "fan the gifts into flame" for our children! THAT is what I want to be doing these years! Those moments do not happen often around here, it seems, but I pray for more. More of what truly matters; less of the filler. It just reminds me that the everyday is sacred if we'll have quiet hearts and invite Him in every space, every role, every moment.

A Good Place (Down Here)

Good evening, friends! I feel like I lost the past 3 weeks of my life! No reason to backtrack, it is nothing worth hearing! We were all sick...twice. Wah! But in that down time, I had a remarkable amount of reflecting, praying, journaling, thinking, talking, crying, and planning going on. I knew as it was going on that it was good, but I did begin to worry it might never let up...One can only handle so much of that stuff!

There's a song I have been listening to a lot by Sara Groves, From This One Place. The chorus is "From this one place I can't see very far. From this one moment I'm square in the dark. These are the things I will trust in my heart, that You can see, You can see, something else." Its been rolling around in my head for days...The soundtrack of this difficult emotional and physical season.

I turned 35 in the middle of this time, and while I love birthdays and did get to celebrate (several times!), I was a little sad. From this one place, from this one moment, wow, I really cannot see very far. I am in more of a submissive position than ever to the Lord and others; I have finally learned how very little control I have over my destiny!!  With this fatigue issue comes a lot of research, discipline, investment of time and money, and honestly, questioning..."Will this work? Is this worth it? Am I doing enough? Am I changing the right things?" There were relationships that needed hours of working through. There were fears embedded deep at the root of things I wasn't letting go of. There were and will be again days where I am clinging to this one thing: that He at least can see something else. I worked hard while I was sick!

In all of those feelings though, in all of the work I am required to do as the caretaker of my life here, there are certain solid truths that just carry me. They really lift me up and carry me. The belief that God personally calls me His Beloved and that everything He allows into my life goes through His hands first, that carries me. He is not bewildered or upset by my hurdles, and they are not for me to jump over anyway...they are for me to walk through hand in hand with Him. The knowledge that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and intercedes to the Father in accordance with His will every minute of every day, that carries me. The blessing of community, friends and family who would drop anything to be the Body of Christ to each other, that carries me.

 I like to soar, not be carried. But this is a good place.