Living Love Story #6: Is the Limp Worth the Name?

Something that spurs me on in worship is I genuinely believe that my words, my surrender, my praise, even my body language toward the Lord is PERSONAL to Him. I believe He is wants a personal touch from His people, whatever that looks like! But I don’t know if we have anything to give unless we let Him come close enough to touch us first.

I was reading in Genesis this week, seeking out what some of these personal touches from God to man looked like from the beginning, and I read about Jacob. 

In Genesis 32, we’re told that Jacob (who is Abraham’s Grandson, blessed with the covenant God gave to Abraham) gets in an all night wrestling match -physically- with God! It’s so physical that Jacob walks away with a limp...and also he earns a new name. 

And Jacob was a guy who really needed a new name. He had been quite the trickster in his youth and even as he grew up, he ran into trouble with either tricking people or being tricked by people. He had stolen his brother Esau’s birthright and blessing, lied to his father, tricked his father in law, and finally, just personal interpretation here, I think he was ready to put all that behind him. 

I think he was tired of the games, of always trying to make himself come out on top. He decides to take his family and start out fresh and new; he decides to go beg his brother’s forgiveness; and while he is on his way to these events that I think show some maturity, he gets alone with God.

And from this interaction...he walks away with a limp...a physical reminder of being face to face with God.

God’s personal touch can be wounding sometimes, like it was for Jacob, because He’s going to get to the heart of the matter. If you had cancer, you would say: “Cut it out of me, do what you have to do!” What kind of doctor wouldn’t pinpoint the real problem if he knew what it was? God loves us enough to put His finger on stuff...and even wound us as a reminder that we cannot go on the way we were.

Adrenal fatigue and a sleep disorder is my “limp”. These physical limitations and difficulties are a reminder to me that I cannot go back to the motives and methods I used to live my life by. They are a reminder of those years of wrestling with God, of finally seeing His face, and of the soul altering changes He made in me. 

When He touches us, there is a chance for a new beginning if we want it. God gave Jacob the name Israel that night. He brought me into His rest and my role as Beloved, and I will never be the same. That was not the direction I thought God was going to take  my life! It didn’t seem like “enough”.  But His touch, His wounding, overwhelms my soul with humility and praise because I would rather have His fatherly discipline than everything I planned.

Is the limp worth the name? It is to me.

The Moral Tragedy Called Abortion

I've been waking up thinking about such heavy topics lately. Regularly, I wake up thinking about the moral tragedy called abortion. I read yesterday it has been 40 years since Roe v. Wade.

I understand that not everyone wants God's Word to be used in the making of law, so I won't even go there. This isn't a Christian vs. Non-Christian issue and I don't need to argue it as one.  Abortion is a human rights issue, plain and simple.

It doesn't bother me to be labeled Anti-Choice by some people instead of Pro-Life. That's fine. I AM Anti-Choice. What does bother me is when Pro-Choice people don't finish this sentence: "They will never take away a woman's right to choose." I'll fill in the blank to say exactly what they mean but exactly what they won't say. "They will never take away a woman's right to choose to end the life of the child inside of her." They are welcome to call me Anti-Choice if they understand that I will call them advocates of a child holocaust.

Where and when was the lie created that a baby inside the womb is not a human? If it's a not a human being, what is it? Can we not hear how ridiculous that sounds? It's illegal to mess with a bald eagle's EGGS, but in this country, as long as the baby is still in the womb,  it has no rights whatsoever. A bird fetus has more rights than a human one. When did the lie begin that a human baby doesn't have the same rights as a human being? At what point do those rights kick in anyway? Where did the lie begin that it's a mother's right to end that fetus's existence simply because it couldn't survive without her? Does that make it less than human, to be weak and vulnerable, small and dependent? My four year old is still all those things! Should I be allowed to end her life if I'm feeling like she's messing up my life and my plans, if I think she's not going to be loved in her lifetime? Does her dependence on me put the decision of whether she gets to live or die in my hands?  Who came up with the insane idea that a baby is an extension of a woman's body? My child is not one of my body parts that I have the freedom to do whatever I want with. When was the lie created that if a child is not wanted by a mother, it should not get a chance to live and be taken to someone who has waited years to simply love and nurture a child?

There are some strange arguments out there. Some people think that to be Pro-Life, you have to pick up all these other beliefs and stances. But that's not true. For example, some people have told me they are Pro-Choice simply because they wouldn't want the health of mothers to be endangered and if it is between the life of the mother and the baby, they would want the health of the mother to be considered first and foremost. I agree wholeheartedly. These are extremely rare cases and should not make a person Pro-Choice! This already IS the practice in hospitals today and it always will be and it has nothing to do with abortion laws. Making abortion illegal is NOT putting women's lives at risk (unless you're thinking about women going and having illegal abortions, which are more dangerous. We have other issues in this country- like drugs- that we have deemed illegal even though the illegal trade of them is more dangerous, but it didn't stop us from forming those laws.) Some people like to say, "You're a hypocrite to be against abortion but for the death penalty." Guess what? I am totally against the death penalty!!!  Some say, "Well, you want abortion to be illegal but you need to be doing more to prevent pregnancy and you're not willing to put condoms and sex ed in school." YES I AM! Being "conservative" about abortion does not mean you have to be conservative about everything. Cases of rape, incest, etc? I read that these situations accounted for 1% of abortions. I think its okay for people to have different views on this, and if I was a politician who had to make some compromises in order to get abortion in general to be made illegal again, I would probably agree to this 1% being legal.

If we say we personally would never do it, but we don't want to keep others from having that choice, we will share in the blame when judgment comes. If we vote for politicians who have an agenda against the unborn, I couldn't care less what else they do right, we will share in the blame when judgment comes. There are a lot of gray issues out there, friends, and we can disagree on them all day long and it's fine. No problem. But I am ashamed to live in a country where it's a woman's right to injure and kill a child she is carrying in her womb. I'm upset that anyone would ever do this practice, but I'm outraged that my government allows it, condones it, and expects us to rally around it with our taxes and support.

This blog and my opinion isn't to make anyone who has had an abortion feel condemned. God and the Church, at least my church, opens their arms to anyone. We are ALL sinners, none greater than another, and we can be forgiven and made new if we simply ask! This blog is just one avenue I have to speak my heart and mind to anyone who will listen.  My prayer is that God will remove the veil of confusion and indifference about this issue, allowing us to see clearer and clearer how to love, how to take care of the least of these, and how to stand against a wave of politically correct but purely self-centered evil.

Living Love Story #5: Getting on the Same Page

Probably one of the most common prayers that escape our lips has to do with asking for God's will. That's how Jesus taught us to pray, and it weaves humility and trust and need all together.  It's a purposeful prayer to ask for His wants to come first, His way to be walked. In my teenage years, it was the holy grail...Oh, Lord, what is Your will? Just tell me this one thing and I will never ask You for anything ever again! I thought His will was an answer to a question or two, questions such as: "Who do you want me to marry? What job do you want me to have?" And for me, because I wanted to be a missionary, it was "Where do you want me to live and when am I going to get there?" I reduced God to a fortune teller, and He told me just that! Thus began my journey of finding what He really meant when He said to pray "Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."

I think we can see a portion of what this prayer means in the story of Abraham praying for Sodom and Gomorrah.

In Genesis 18, God decides (specifically in verse 17) to disclose to Abraham what He is going to do to Sodom and Gomorrah. Because of the great sin in these cities, He is going to destroy them completely. So He decides to share this with His friend, Abraham. And if that isn't enough to show their companionship, Abraham takes this opportunity to discuss the Lord's plans with Him. He says humbly, "Lord, will you save the cities if there are just fifty righteous people?" The Lord says, "Yes, I will." Then Abraham says, "Will you save them if there are just forty-five?" The answer is yes. What about thirty, twenty, ten? The Lord says, "Abraham, I will save these cities if there are just ten righteous people!"

There weren't. There were not ten righteous people. The cities were destroyed. But this conversation reveals to me some pieces of God's will, His purposes, the decisions and actions of His heart.

First, we see that God enjoys and expects and rewards conversation! It's both possible and normal to talk with God, and to say anything! He Who Sees our hearts can handle them being poured out to Him. This walking and talking? It's His will for you and me. Secondly, we see that when Abraham asked for the salvation and rescue of souls, he didn't have to beg. Abraham had immediately hit on the top priority of God's heart. He was instantly on the same page with God, instantly on the same wavelength, and we can know that SO ARE WE when we cry out to God for lives.

We can never stop crying out to God for lives! I am frustrated at where "morality" has headed, but in that frustration, I can't stop praying for lives. I am broken hearted and ashamed that I live in a country where abortion is legal, but in that reality of how this makes me feel, I can't stop praying for lives. Lives of those who are righteous and innocent...and lives of those that are deep in lies, sin, and death. Both victims and oppressors.

When we take the time to pray for lives, I believe with all my heart, we are instantly on the same page with our Creator, Savior, and Coming King.

10 Steps to a Better Budget and Why It Matters (Part Two)

So before I go on, let me say a couple things that have been rolling around in my mind...This covers a bit of the "Why It Matters" part of the title :)

I am not writing this from a place of having it altogether. I don't always follow every bit of this advice; there are times I feel led to do something differently and also there is compromise needed sometimes in marriage, etc. Also, there are so many ways that I have been financially blessed by others that in a way it is easier for me to have my head halfway on straight about desiring things, spending, giving, and saving than for many people.  Being financially blessed by others and coming from a stable but thrifty household growing up makes me want to handle money wisely and sacrificially. I want to BE like those people who have given us a car and other extravagant gifts...Somewhere along the way they decided to be great with money, therefore they have the freedom to give a car away! And these people- some of them- have lived in trailers, have traveled the country for a job, have went without vacations for a decade, have done whatever they needed to do without complaint. I want to be like that, too, if I need to. Also, being financially blessed by others forces me to have some humility. I didn't work for all that I have and I know it, and it's humbling. I am a recipient. And as a recipient, I am super aware of where my money is going because I know it is undeserved blessing.

But whether we earned everything we have or not, we are all recipients! Don't we recognize it is all from the Lord? Our ability, our minds, our relationship/connections...it is all from the Lord and we became good stewards (hopefully) of those abilities and minds and connections. :) But knowing it is all from Him changes how we view money and what should be done with it. It's ours to steward but it's not ours. I try to live with the mentality that I have exactly what He wants me to have, no more and no less, for strategic purposes. I have dear friends around the world in varying forms of financial discomfort, and even though I have been given much, if you knew the numbers on my budget you would count me in that group most likely! But I still say it: We are blessed. We have our basic needs met. I can't say that for a good part of the world, sadly. Yet still some of the worst financial decisions ever made are because we have an underlying feeling that we are entitled to spend our money however we want, that we deserve to make and keep more, and that we deserve certain things we'd like to have and do, in due time if not immediately. Oh how much frustration these lies have caused! For MOST of us, worrying about money stems from the fear that we will have to drop to a lower standard of living, not the fear of homelessness, starvation, or death! That humbles me.

But back to remembering we are simply stewards of God's money: We shouldn't feel guilty for buying movie tickets or even Disney tickets, with this knowledge that it is all His, but there was a time in my life that I did feel that way. Through a lot of prayer and study, I felt like the Lord was saying all I could do was make a budget that took care of first things first, make sure my husband was in agreement with it, and stick to the projected costs of each category in my budget to the best of my ability. And just like I said in part one, there is room for fun! You could even add a savings for vacation or whatever it is you are wondering how it will ever fit in with this "I'm stewarding God's money" mentality. But getting rid of any attitude of "I deserve this" and replacing it with "I will receive this gift from God" is vital, I believe. I am learning to receive good gifts; there is a time and place for that. Family trips are precious getaways and priceless memories. Anniversary dates are downright necessary. Lunch with a friend with your "fun money" is worth every penny spent as God has made us in need of each other! But every one of these things has to be weighed and balanced and planned for. Making a budget for yourself or as a couple if you're married enables you to be more free to enjoy your splurges and times of gifting others and treating yourself because you know there was a place in the budget marked for it.

Dave Ramsey says we'd all go a little crazy if there is no "blow money" whatsoever. But there are times you just don't have any blow/fun for yourself money, and I promise you, with the right attitude of surrender and thankfulness to the Lord about this issue, you will not go crazy! Know that in your leanest times, if you have a roof over your head, a loved one, and something in your tummy, you are better off than millions. As we live, with God's help, in an attitude of thankfulness and surrender, I believe God will change those circumstances in time because financial need is stressful and takes it's toll on a body, a marriage, and a family. We have to be doing our part. "Our part" is different for everyone- what you need to do to be stable and have a little breathing room financially is different than what I have to do- but what we all have in common is our ability to ask for the Lord to rule our finances and our attitudes about them.

10 Steps to a Better Budget...and Why (Part One)

Don't read this if you're not in the mood for a frankness, or if you're not in the mood to consider cutting the budget! :) (It's okay, I get in those moods as well! No judgment here!) Jack calls me Dave Ramsey's long lost love child or something like that, LOL. I was actually reminding myself of some things today about money and thought I'd organize my thoughts in a blog.

1) Have a written monthly budget with every category you could possibly spend, give, or save money in. If you're new to this, guess how much you'll need for each category. Ours are: Bills, Escrow (I'll mention that later), Grocery, Gas, Fun Money, Miscellaneous, Tithes and Offerings, Health.  Your plan is to write exactly how much was spent in each category every month and compare to how much you hoped to spend in each category every month. This isn't to make you feel bad for spending, because some things just cost what they cost. But it IS to help us know where the money is truly going and perhaps in some categories some changes could be made. As you go, new categories might need to be made and your expectation of how much should be spent in each category might change, but eventually you'll know the perimeters you need to give and can say, "No, we can't do that, because our ______ money is gone for the month."

2) Here's what the Escrow thing is all about. I thought of all the things that happen for sure in a year's time and added up the estimated cost of all those things. Stuff like: property taxes, gas bill for our heat, car repairs, home/appliance repairs, Christmas giving (for the four of us and for others), and going to the dentist. Those things ARE going to happen, and there's nowhere in my monthly budget for the money to come out of, and that's frustrating! So, I added up the estimated costs of these things for one year and divided it by 12, and that figure is what MUST go into Escrow savings each month. I have a different savings account for Escrow and I transfer that amount at the end of each month. There have been months where I couldn't, when we just didn't have enough, so I understand that happens. But this is a KEY to getting ahead and not always feeling like you can't keep up with life. So when that tax return comes or anything at all, don't spend it! Start an escrow account for those things that WILL happen this year.

3) Health. A few different things.
*First of all, everybody's needs are different and you have to do what you have to do. I never thought I would take supplements, because "can't I get those nutrients from my food?" Well, obviously not. I have adrenal fatigue and my blood work shows how much I need extra and quality doses of things. But there are many supplements and health food type things that I simply cannot afford. I have to give myself a limit and do what is most necessary, honestly for more reasons than just financial ones.
*I love the idea of a gym, but don't think there aren't alternatives! A coat and a pair of shoes is all you need to walk and jog and do intervals outside. Or you and your friends can exchange workout dvds. Even if you have to drive to a place with sidewalks, you'd be driving to the gym anyway so that can't be an excuse.
*Another health issue: Some might have an argument against this, and that's totally cool, but to get free health insurance for children in Kentucky is very easy. As a four member family, if you make an income of less than $44,000, you can be on Passport.
*Also, I'm NO expert on health insurance but if you're fairly healthy, there are plans for health insurance that have a really high deductible (which is the most you could possibly have to ever spend of your own money) but a very low premium (what you pay monthly.) That way, you can save your money for your health needs instead of giving it to those companies, but have the benefit of the "adjustments" you get for your healthcare provider having a relationship with the company.
*Lastly about health I will just say it should be a serious goal to get off any prescriptions possible. There may be a natural source to meet your need and it is likely that it will be cheaper and better for your body. Many of these supplements that can take the place of prescriptions can be purchased as a 6 month or year supply, making them up to %40 off at certain sites. Consider going to a natural medicine minded nurse practitioner...much more cost effective and they can manage your supplement needs.

This is already too long, so I'll do a Part Two in the coming days! If anyone wants to comment and ask a specific question, feel free, and I'll answer it in the next blog. :)

Two Words God Loves

I wrote on Wednesday about having anger issues. I had just set up camp in a pit of disappointments and all that "should not be." And the next morning, I woke up with the same propensity to go there. But before I could raise my head, the Lord asked me, "Do you want another day like that or do you want help?" What are two words God loves? HELP and ME, preferably in that order!

I asked for help and I felt that I had a choice laid before me: to begin putting good thoughts in and shunning the bad thoughts or pick up where I left off the day before in my ranting and raving. By His help and just the sheer fact that I hated the way I felt, I did the first. Before jumping into school, Selah and I wrote in our journals. I made some lists...that helps my brain work through things so I can be at peace. I started making lists of my disappointments, my responsibilities, my needs, and that really helped, just seeing it all laid out on the page. Just like the Serenity prayer, the Lord helped me to see what I could actually change with a little bit of organization and communication, and what I would have to accept. There were already little changes I could make that eased some of my frustration. The Lord is my help.

Later that day, my friend from out of town called and said she felt like coming up! I was able to talk through my two biggest problems with her, and God helped me by just hearing the words coming out of my mouth. They were words I can't ignore and push down, but they were also words I didn't like, words I refuse to keep repeating or dwelling on. It was how I felt and that's okay...but there's a time to set it aside and put on grace, thanks, perseverance, and joy. The Lord is my help!

The next day I spoke with someone else and here are some tidbits that I'd like to share with anyone who might be reading:
*Never say never. It hasn't happened yet? It feels impossible? Think of Abraham and Sarah. IF it is in the Lord's plans, it WILL come to pass.
*There is a difference between hoping and expecting. I am still chewing on this one, but I think it means that expecting has a demanding element to it and hope has a submission element to it. I hope for many things, but in that hope I submit to the Lord.
*Ask for the Lord's help in moving from being a victim to being a survivor. Be proud that you made it through something, that you are making it through something. That's a positive spin and quite frankly, we deserve it.

The Lord loves it when we ask for help. Keep asking!

Anger Issues

Okay, people, this is me "keepin' it real". I recently have discovered that I have some ANGER ISSUES! I am a calm, patient person by nature. I love people and see the good in them, sometimes even when proven otherwise. Most offenses roll off my back. So my anger issues aren't toward people, in fact I'm not sure what or who they are toward!

But I need a punching bag installed in the basement, seriously.

I'm mad about things I should be mad at: national debt, abortion being legal, people with guns who have no respect for human beings, people (whether I agree with them or not) who won't listen or come to a compromise or learn from each other, and last but not least the fact that while this country is in serious trouble, the rest of the world has its own horrors that we have yet to experience ourselves.

And I'm mad about things I shouldn't be mad at: that I have adrenal fatigue and a sleep disorder yet keep expecting myself to live a normal life, consistently landing me in confusion and frustration. That regardless of all the changes I have made in the past three years in exercise, eating an all natural diet, taking supplements, etc., I still struggle with my health and weight. That I am on a not-so-merry-go-round in some relationships although I am doing all I can for peace and joy. That my dog is eating our stuff even though he has toys and bones all the over the house, won't stay in our fence, and sheds plenty of hair regardless of his label as a non shedding dog! That everything costs so much yet doesn't work that well. That I can't live as simple of a life as I want because it's not just me I have to think of. That I can't seem to make time or have energy leftover for being with friends and having fun. That some of my dreams aren't going to happen, they just have to be let go of.

I'm even mad that I feel this way.

Prayer and a punching bag are in order!

Living Love Story #4: An Extravagant Giver

God is an extravagant Giver. He is one who likes partnerships and covenants, and His side of those relationships is always the heaviest and the strongest. He brings more to the table than anyone. God is a team player who doesn't have to be, but is, and He is a solid one at that.

And Abram was one of the first to find this out.

I'm looking at Genesis 12 through 17 today and seeing such a personal relationship between God and Abram. God chose Abram, to begin an everlasting covenant with him and his descendants. It was like He had so much to give and just wanted someone to give it to! 

In Genesis 12:2-3, God promises to make Abram into a great nation, to bless him and even bless all who bless him (extending His lovingkindness to anyone who is Abram's friend)! He says he will make Abram's name great, and that all peoples on earth will be blessed through him. In Genesis 13:14-17, God shows Abram the great land that He has set aside for Abram's offspring and reminds him that his descendants will be more numerous than can even be counted. Then in Genesis 15:1, God bestows this blessing on Abram: "Do not be afraid, Abram; I am your shield, your very great reward."

He partnered with Abram, asking him to circumcise all the males in his household and raise his children to follow the Lord, because He wanted a people after His own heart, a people He could be close to, a people who could show the world who He was. As we know, those people (just like us) were wanderers from the heart of God time and time again...as was Abram himself (think Hagar, Gen. 16). Yet God continued to come to Abram over and over to renew His covenant with him, as He does with us. Despite serious mistakes with serious consequences, God gave direction, territory, honor, protection, favor, and fruitfulness as undeserved, extravagant gifts. Even when Abram lied, even when Sarah failed to believe, even when we forget what we've been promised and act like orphans instead of deeply loved children in the family of God, even when...He comes and renews His covenant of peace with us, again.

As I was studying this today, this question came to mind: "What has God given to me that I fail to daily take hold of?" It may be a quicker list to ask: "What has God given to me that I DON'T fail to daily take hold of?" The mercies, the fellowship, the acceptance, the voice, the joy, the love. It's all new, every morning. 

How do you repay the most extravagant Giver? You take hold of the gifts and enjoy them with all your heart. You let them have the power in your life that the Giver wants them to have.  And you let those gifts turn into a blessing for all who know you!

Living Love Story #4: Walking with God

Adam
Seth
Enosh
Kenan
Mahalalel
Jared
Enoch
Methuselah
Lamech
Noah

There were ten generations between Adam and Noah. In Genesis 5, we have these ten patriarchs of ten families for ten generations. And only two out of the ten were crowned with this specific sentence: "He walked with God."

Enoch and Noah. Two guys who walked with God, several generations apart from each other at that. Two guys who were in step with the heartbeat of God stood out among the hundreds of other fathers, sons, and brothers. Perhaps there were others who knew the Lord well, but they were not mentioned, and also as the generations led up to Noah we are told that man's wickedness on the earth had become so great that He decided to send a flood because quite frankly, a good man was hard to find (Gen. 6:5-7).

God also showed His close relationship with these two in this way: They both were rescued quite uniquely. Enoch walked with God and "then he was no more, because God took him away." (Gen. 5:24) Noah walked with God and God put his family on a boat to survive the flood. Not everyone who walks with God gets a quick and easy departure, or even first dibs on safety in a disaster, that's for sure! But lets just say it's special that He chose to do this for these two who stood out among the many.

God offers a daily walk with anyone who will take Him up on it. We have to realize that! There are not some chosen to be super Christians and the rest of us are left to memorize John 3:16, say a ritual prayer at dinner, and go to church on Sundays because it would feel weird not to. Honestly, it's our choice whether or not we're going to let our life be about Him or not.  We can have as much of His presence and direction and hope and joy in our lives as we want...One thing about God that I continually fall in and out of awareness of is that He is an infinite and generous Source! How much I go to Him, how much I draw from His wealth of grace and love is up to me. Ever heard the phrase, "You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink"? Many times we are just standing at the edge of a life changing, thirst quenching River because it would take too much energy, or humility, or something, to get into it and make it our Home.

We each are given one life, and it could be spent doing great things and earning a great name among men...but all that is worthless in the end if we didn't truly know Him through that personal daily walk. I love that this is how God wants it to be! That our life isn't a race to achieve, but rather a journey to be ventured morning by morning, with our eyes not on everyone else's walk but on our own.

Why Sugar Free in 2013?

So, I am really thankful for a fine group of ladies on Facebook that are taking a health challenge with me! Most of us are on slightly different paths, but the thing we have in common is that we are letting go of certain foods/ingredients that we know are bad for our health, but that we tend to over eat. We began our journey over New Years and all of us have different ideas of how long we'll do it. I hope we learn so much from each other that we never go back to unwise eating!

I personally am going without sugar (except what occurs naturally in nutrient dense foods such as fruit) and white flour. I always have tried to stay away from this stuff anyway, because I was raised on a really healthy diet and also because when I found out I had adrenal fatigue almost three years ago, I made specific changes. But sugar, dear, dear, terrible wonderful sugar... I "knew" I couldn't eliminate it so I tried to regulate it. That certainly works for many types of people; I don't think everyone needs to totally cut out sweets. My grandmother eats one piece of chocolate every day. ONE! That gene did not make it's way to me...

So why does it matter so much? I'm sure I'll post more about this later, but sugar really is terrible for our bodies, for starters.  Also, I'm sad to say that I have had 34 1/2 years to eat cookies in moderation but have failed! To be perfectly honest, I'm fighting a battle, and it brings more freedom in my life to know I am not eating ANY of the bad stuff as opposed to struggling with myself about HOW MUCH of the bad stuff I can have. I feel like I've already won the battle because I'm no longer bargaining and battling with myself. The answer is "no, not any," instead of having a taste of it and then dealing with the old routine.  I think I'm learning from my past tries at moderation that if you do have a problem with sugar, you're only setting yourself up for failure by eating small amounts of it, say, on the weekend, because you're never letting yourself be free of the addiction.  This is an issue of our minds and will power but it's also an issue of what our bodies are expecting...If our bodies no longer expect it, then the battle is so much easier.

Silliest example ever, but I was watching The Holiday over Christmas Break and one of leading ladies finally realizes that this guy in her life was poison in disguise, so she writes to him: "Please don't contact me. I know that I need to get over you, so please allow me the chance." As nice as birthday cake and easter egg jellybeans are, I need the chance to get this out of my system and relieve myself of the burden of constantly trying (and failing) to regulate sweets.

I'm going to blog about our journey at least once a month, so stay in touch and feel free to join us.

Living Love Story, Week 2: Cain

Oh, Cain. Such a fun character to write about! The third human on the planet who is known for one thing: Killing the fourth. Yet as I read this story once again through the lenses of "how does God reveal His desire for closeness with people?", I find some kindness and truth.

In Genesis 4:4 & 5, Cain and his brother Abel bring offerings to the Lord. God looks with favor on Abel's, but He did not look with favor on Cain's. We aren't told why. I've heard different reasons, such as Abel's offering was an animal so therefore there was blood shed for remission of sins and Cain's offering was from the ground. But I think an offering of the first fruits of whatever line of work one was in was the sacrifice God was after. I don't know, but I do know this: It was no secret to Cain what he had done wrong. In Genesis 4:7, God says to Cain: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?"

Sometimes intimacy with God can be downright uncomfortable because we know exactly what He asked for and we chose not to give it. Does it sometimes makes us angry that He sees? Does it sometimes make us jealous of others? What does this tell us about nearness between God and Cain?

*God saw the offerings personally and cared about the motives of their hearts.
*God made it no secret what would please Him and what would not. He wasn't tricky.
*God spoke audibly to Cain after his heart was downcast, with an explanation and a warning.

After Cain killed Abel, a couple other touch points happened between Cain and God. God gives the punishment that Cain will be a restless wanderer, no longer having any luck with farming, and driven from the presence of the Lord. Cain's response is of course despair and he specifically says in verse 13 & 14, "My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from Your presence."  That was no small thing to Cain. He was heartbroken over it. Despite the first murderer in history's actions, this man had a relationship with God! And the last thing God says to him is, "I will protect you." He puts a mark on his head so no one would kill him. A Father showing discipline and mercy at the same time.

I am always saying when we come to a worship gathering, it's not about the music...and it's not. It's about meeting with Almighty God and spending time with Him. When we come together to sing, or when we go alone in prayer, or just as we focus our minds on awareness of Him throughout the day, we are exercising the most awesome privileges in history because we are welcomed into the presence of God, where our hearts will be seen and personally known. He will speak, He will ask things of us, and we will have a chance to respond. He is a loving Father with a perfect balance of discipline and mercy, and because of Jesus, if we accept Him, we would never lose His friendship.

Living Love Story, Week 1: Adam & Eve

I am really excited about the year ahead of us as we seek God's Word together! My hope is to have 52 living love stories from Genesis and beyond. One of my favorite scriptures is Ephesians 2:13, which declares that we who once were far away are now brought near through the blood of Jesus! Yes, our hearts should do a somersault! As a worshipper, there are a few things that really ignite my passion for the Lord, and being brought near to God through the precious blood of Jesus poured out for me is one of those things.

This first love story reminds us of why we need that precious blood, why we are so indebted to our Savior Jesus.  The story weaving throughout scripture begins here...

Just in the act of creation itself, God showed personal attention and desire for relationship, but I want to spend a moment on just two details. One, Genesis 2:7 tells us He breathed into Adam's nostrils the breath of life. God could have commanded Adam's life into existence, but did He? Did He just speak humankind into existence as He did the other masterpieces? No, He got His hands dirty...literally. And once the man was formed from the dust of the ground, He bent down and put His mouth to face of the first man and breathed. That is intimate. I'm thinking: How many faces do you get that close to, close enough to breathe on? He didn't have to do that. God has always been about face to face encounters. God has always been about reaching us.

Two, after Adam and Eve had sinned, Genesis 3:8 says that God came walking in the garden looking for them. They were hiding because their sin had brought about an awareness...an awareness of evil, an awareness of how it feels to be ashamed and wish time could be rolled back--oh, how we all know that sickening feeling--and maybe even an awareness of how good they had had it. In having my own children, I'm flooded with sadness just thinking of the moment my girls find out about certain evils in the world...and worse yet, my heart breaks at the thought of when they are entrapped in their own sin someday. I wonder if that is just a tiny glimpse into the heart of God, how He felt that day when Adam and Eve lost their pure childlike innocence. And yet, He was still coming their way. Perhaps He came in the cool of the evening every day to talk with His friends. It doesn't sound from this passage as if this little stroll was a rare occurrance. This time, did He come to hear the whole story out of their own mouths? Yes. To punish them and cast them out of Paradise? Yes. We can't get out of that. God has never changed. He has never swayed on the standard of holiness and truth; He won't do it. But as we know, God would make a way--crafted entirely before the creation of man--that His standard of purity could once again be met by man. God has always been about finding us.