My Girl

My girl is growing up! How does one handle such a thing? Selah is five years old, and although her drama gets old, I would not mind if she was able to be magically frozen at this exact age! I have said that every year (okay, every year since she turned three). She is just an amazing kid! So smart, witty, funny, and beautiful. She amazes us everyday with her outgoing personality and truly loving demeanor. Right now, I particularly love putting her to bed at night, seeing her first thing in the morning (I love that fresh but sleepy face!), and worshipping with her at home and at church. She's lovely and precious. And she starts kindergarten in about 6 weeks. Will I survive?

Being Loved and Other Stuff

I felt the love of the Lord today.

I am the kind of person that "feels" loved if I do a good job. Like, at the end of the day if I have done all the things I consider good and important, I feel a nod of approval. I don't realize most days that this nod of approval is totally in my head or psyche or whatever, and not necessarily God smiling down on me...it's just how I naturally feel when all is right and in control in my little world. And then of course the opposite happens as well. If I am feeling tired or crappy, or if I'm feeling fine but just not motivated, then my day might feel like quite the failure because I didn't connect with my kids well or help anyone or even communicate with God much.

So today I was very tired from 2 days away (so fun by the way) and I did absolutely nothing. I am feeding frozen pizza to my family tonight. We watched TV all day. I didn't exercise or have prayer time or take care of the house or visit anyone. But right smack in the middle of all this wonderful laziness, I was watching Veggie Tales with the girls and Jr. Aspagarus sang, "And so, it's good to know You really love me, it's true the Bible says You do, You really love me, Your love was with me all throughout my day." I felt the rush of the love of God, and we all just stopped and worshipped. The girls both were saying "Jesus!" because they felt His presence, too. His love isn't like: "I feel sorry for you, you pitiful thing, yes, just for today I will show you love, but tomorrow you better get with it." In fact, His love was saying to me that even if I had done everything in a day that I know I am supposed to do, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference.

Every day isn't like this. Every day holds "obedience opportunities" and I don't want to miss them. But it is wonderful to know His love is the same, beating strong and overflowing with delight in us...all the time, no matter what. It is the base of all good living.

Arbys and Allergies

Okay, I still don't know what happened today! I took the kids to Arbys, had a sandwich and about 10 curly fries, and 30 minutes later, I was in an ambulance with the symptoms of anaphylactic shock. I still have a headache and my stomach still hurts from it. It is so weird how I am having more sensitivities and allergic reactions than I was before I started eating really healthily and taking supplements to heal my adrenals. Surely what I am doing is good, and my body was just shocked by something in the food, but it hasn't been very long since I ate fast food. In fact, I've eaten pizza several times in the past 2 weeks!

This allergic reaction is the worst one I have ever had. With cats, I break out into hives and a headache, and have trouble breathing. Today, I had all of that, plus much more. My legs and arms hurt so bad I ended up not being able to walk, and my stomach hurt more than when I was in labor. I wonder if I will ever know what ingredient caused this! I have read stories in my books about adrenal fatigue that sound just like this; about people who have a reaction to rancid oils (which definitely is what I had today: reused, old oil to make fries) or who all of a sudden have bodily systems jump off the deep end because they have been in need of repair for so long.

Although these people will never read this blog, I am so so so grateful to Dr. Kristina Knisely and her whole staff at Norton Community Medical Associates. This is Selah's pediatrician's office. They were so wonderful and caring to me and my girls until the ambulance came for me. I am so thankful I made it to their office, and they helped me, because I didn't want to make a big deal about what I was experiencing but it was getting really out of my control. I'm so thankful for Jack's grandma, Pat Hodges. She is always there for us. All of us! I don't like to be a person in need, but today, I really really was. I could not take care of myself and my girls for that 45 minutes or so. It was scary and I couldn't even dial the phone, but God provided really loving people to help us through it. (It made me want to be one of those loving people that can be called upon!)

Allergens

I just have to vent about allergies! What a dumb topic, but still the topic on my mind. I have been feeling better, as I undergo this adrenal fatigue treatment: taking a "nap" everyday; a nice variety of supplements, vitamins, and medicines; eating often, strategically for energy, and low-sugar, and even no dairy as I learned I'm allergic to pasteurized milk; doing the right amount of exercise (too much messes everything up, too little is not good either); steering clear of stresses or anything that would wear me out (this part of the therapy I do not mind!); getting rid of cleaners and other stuff I use that have chemicals in them...The list could go on.

And I am thankful for all this info, so thankful actually, because I have had good days which is more than I can say for the past fall & winter. But then there are days again that just knock the breath out of me. Yesterday and today are two of those days! I need to be patient and chill, but instead all I can do is think about what I did differently to cause me to feel tired and out of it again. I think I exercised too hard Sunday and Monday, so that may have made me more tired Monday and Tuesday. But other than that, all it can come down to is allergies! Dang allergies!

I'm allergic to mosquito bites and it's like I can feel them making me itchy and tired. I guess I'm allergic to the stuff I have to put in Yemi's hair everyday, and I don't know what to do about that. There are not a lot of choices there. I'm cleaning with vinegar, and only washing my hair once a week with Aveeno. I don't even know what kind of soap to buy because I'm allergic to anything organic, and anything not organic has sulfates and chemicals that I may not respond to externally but am having a reaction to internally. As soon as I start to feel all "allergic" I go crazy cleaning my house because I think it's my own fault for not having kept everything dust-free, but then I'm even more tired.

I need to live in a bubble!! I am tired of being a human science experiment, trying to figure out why I all of a sudden feel weak and exhausted...is it a food I ate or a chemical in the air I breathed? I have spent years trying to figure it out and it's driving me crazy! And the worst part is, I know now that every time I struggle with my allergies, that is making my adrenals work harder, and when my adrenals work harder that means I am not going to be feeling well. I know this is a dumb thing to blog about, but for anyone reading, now you know the details! I just want to be well and stay well, without all this massive attention to it, and i'm okay with the fact that it's going to take time...I'm just upset that I'm doing all I know to do but still can't get away from ALLERGIES!

Today

I totally realize that I don't write about anything deep on this blog...I guess I thought that I would when I started it, but I just don't have a lot of time to "go there" these days, er, years...But anyway, I just wanted to blog about my little but wonderful day.

I feel so much peace today. There are still questions and concerns out there, but they don't have the weight they did just a few days ago. Some important things have been resolved, but some haven't, and it's okay. So, some of this peace is circumstantial, but a good bit of it is not. In worship today, we just sat enveloped in the love of God, utterly aware of the truth that we are a delight to Him and that we were created to adore Him which is simply a response to His love for us first! With tears streaming down my face, all I could think was, "I want every day to begin like this. I can't remember how to live or how to function correctly as a believer, Lord, I am hopeless! But I know if You come to me like You are right now, nothing will stand in the way of Your glory today in me."

I am thankful for today- every bit of it. I'm thankful that I was with my family, that the sky was incredibly blue and the clouds incredibly fluffy. I'm thankful that we got to eat out, because that is a non-necessity that I still don't take lightly. I'm thankful that my body is being healed, and that the dozen things that were going wrong are now beginning to go right; I'm thankful for the wisdom and insight that I am gleaning and will continue to gain by the hand of God. I'm thankful that even when I continually mess up, God is giving me the desire to make better decisions for true wholeness for my body and soul. I'm thankful my nephew and mother in law are doing well and out of the hospital! I'm thankful that I'm gaining peace as I gradually adjust to the idea of Selah starting kindergarten in a mere 2 months (okay, I admit very gradually, slowly and painfully adjust!!)

Life is hard, but God really is good. I am not at a point where I can say it's a rest stop in the journey, not at all, but I am feeling like some of the steepest climbs are over for now. Maybe we can move on and think about some new things now...

The Last Month!

Where do I begin?

May was such an absolute blur, and to be honest, I'm glad it's done with. I'm hoping June will bring some slower, lazy days where we can go to the pool, actually think about what we're eating instead of cramming in "party food", and not have lots of stuff to write in on the calendar. I guess some people like being busy, but I'm not really one of them...

However, I do love being with friends, family, and showing love to people, so these are worthy things for the calendar space! We plan to go to Holiday World with my mom and dad; hopefully see little baby Jackson, my new nephew who was born on Jack's birthday, just last week; spend time with Jack's family as we rejoice that his mom is out of the hospital and doing better; go to the zoo and water park with friends; have a family get-together midsummer to celebrate as Yemi turns 2 and Selah turns 5. (We are combining their birthdays now! Yay for consolidation!)

Selah actually turned 5 TODAY! We have had lots of birthday fun with her, I'll post about that later. Also, I'll be excited to post about the good things happening in my health lately and the improvements I am starting to see.