Yemi

Our darling Yemisrach has been here in our home for 15 months, and this week I was blessed with a much-needed, fresh perspective on this blessing!

Yemi surviving her first 8 and a half months in Ethiopia first of all, and then joining our family is a miracle in itself. She is a sweet, beautiful, smart, and fun addition to our family. Knowing God leaves the 99 to go after the 1 is one thing; seeing Him do it in the physical realm is another, and I have learned so much about that crazy kind of love through our personal experience of adoption. We are so glad God led us to adopt!

However, in the midst of having a 2 year old who screams a lot...who is strong willed...who won't go in nursery (well, she did today for the 1st time ever, thank you Kendra!)...who tends to be negative...some days I have forgotten just how precious and miraculous she is. I've been a little unmotivated in my desire to be the kind of mom I truly want to be. Also, because of the way that I have felt recently, I was nervous about Selah going to school and me being alone with Yemi all day. Then I happened upon a blog by a friend who is in a very difficult phase of their adoption. It broke my heart, because I remember that feeling during our own adoption process of not knowing if God would deliver us/Yemi from the situation or not, and if He was going to, when? There was no Plan B. God would deliver and help, or this dream of being together would end.

As I was reading that blog and interceding for God's movement in their adoption process, I was flooded with thankfulness and relief that I was within earshot of Yemi's screams! The embarrassing fits or aggravating complaints are just proof that she is near me and not on the other side of the world! I have new eyes and ears. I've fallen in love with her all over again this week as Selah has been out of town.

The miracle is fresh and new. I can't believe we are in on it!

A Journal Entry

Last night in prayer with some friends, I felt like an understanding crept into my heart...wanted to share this from my journal:

"Wherever we are in life right now, even if it feels like we're wandering around in a wilderness far away from the point or what we thought was the point, when we humble ourselves and make walking with God our only real goal and priority, that vast wilderness becomes a path...dare I say, instantly. Out of the wilderness that held us captive and confused, arises a path to walk on. A path that will take its own time leading us here or there, up or down, wherever God is going to let you go with Him. A path that shows us that when we are looking at Him and not at ourselves, there is absolutely no chance of being lost, or regretful, regardless how much we have indeed lost.

I hate the idea of being lost, wasting time, missing the point, never grasping all God wanted me to do. All I can do is think about what I must have done wrong, what I must find a way to do better. But His promise is sure. We can word it however it feels right, but hopefully we are all saying this promise is sure: Our utter fulfillment as humans and as children of God is to spend our lives being the object of His affection, and in turn, knowing Him deeper and deeper each day. Who are we to learn to love with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength first of all firsts? Who were we created for before spouses, before sin, before schedules and jobs and everyday life? God. Until this is in first place, with what love do we love our families, neighbors, and the world? Our love is a response to His love. The human-divine intimacy will always be the source.

I feel like we do not wander in the wilderness out of stupidity or cluelessness or even false teachings, at least I can say for those who strongly desire to leave. We wander in the wilderness out of pride. We cannot believe that it could be this basic, to lay down our kingdoms and all we wanted to say we did for God on that final day, and never pick it back up again, choosing a life of surprises instead."