God is so good. This is one of those mornings I needed Him to break through my "self" and teach me something that would make a big difference in my heart...and He did.
It's Christmas Eve and I do usually love the holidays, but with adrenal fatigue, not sleeping very well the past couple months, and also just being an introvert who needs significant times of quiet and alone time in between activities, over the past couple years I have more of a "hold on tight and get through it" kind of feeling about Christmas. This year I said no to several gatherings and opportunities. I've hardly done any baking or cooking. My shopping was done throughout the year so no marathon shopping days for me. But still, here in the home stretch of Christmastime, I am exhausted and not exactly feeling the love for this blessed season! I went to bed thinking last night that I might not make it to our big Mulhall Family Christmas Eve in Louisville.
This morning, Jack said, "You know, Lyndsay, the way we feel right now is like the way Mary and Joseph felt on the first Christmas. It's kind of appropriate that we are tired and things are crazy and it's just not entirely comfortable..."Then we did our family devotion from Ps. 118:1 -- good news! His love endures forever-!- and we prayed.
And all this culminated in me having such a peace that my expectations of how I will feel on Christmas, both physically and emotionally, is absolutely not the point. My comfort level at people's houses is not the point. For a few days, I surely can keep my eyes on the precious Reason for this season and turn my eyes away from how loud it is or how I don't feel good or how I want to go home a little earlier than I can. It's not about me.
I know of at least two families who have lost a loved one in the past day or two. This Christmas is not about them eating pie and being where they want to be. No one wants to be at a funeral home on Christmas. We'll be going to the nursing home tomorrow--ironically, a place I've grown very comfortable in! But there will be people there without gifts and without family. They don't want to be there. Tons of friends of mine and their kids are sick and probably won't get to travel and see grandparents this Christmas because of the flu.
Christmas isn't about us though. Whatever state we find ourselves in this Christmas, just like we are learning to do in our normal daily trials of life, let's turn our faces and abide in Christ.
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